New Living Nightmare -100 steps back

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
New Living Nightmare -100 steps back
2
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:02pm

This is probably gonna be long so i apologise in advance and any input is welcomed!

About a little less year ago i started posting because my then bf of 4 yrs broke up with me unexpectedly. I had moved to go start my masters (We were temporarily living together for 4 months) and about a month and half after i left he broke up with me on some stupid reasons. We hadn't had much problems with in Nov 2005 he went to visit his parents, had tried to talk to them about us getting married as they had been before, they objected but when he came back i got a "promise ring" and before i left we said we'll work it out.
We'll i always thought his parents gave him an ultamium or smthg coz friends who knew him said he loved me more than anything and after meeting him in July 2006 to retreive stuff i had left there i knew for certain it was an act (or thought it was) about him not caring or what not because in really i believed he really was hurting.

Fwding to today, i found out he is engaged to be married!

The last yr has been difficult, we tried to talk n be friends but it didn't work. Its been a while since we really talked and i've been dealing trying to move on or what not, but this news is more than i can handle as it seems like in the last little while this has happened. And it hurts like a b*tch....4 years, promising me we'll work it thru with his parents, that we'll find a way to work it out and about a yr after we broke up when until last year October he wasn't dating anyone, in March now he is engaged to be married!
I just know his parents are behind this and it hurts to know my family always acknowledged him included him in our life but his parents didn't even acknowlodge my existance with their son. In the process he think he has been fair to me n not been mean and its been ok to treat me that way. And now all these emotions of hurt, insignificane, anger, resentment has reared its head and its a lot to redigest and deal with.

To clarify, we have different cultural beliefs though we share the same ethnicity, he was born in India and raised in UAE as a hindu and i was born n raised caribbean style as a catholic. I'm almost 100% sure his parents are behind this, but then i remember smthg he told me that i should ahve realised that i made a mistake by dating him for as long as i did, from which i deduced i was his regret, what if he did regret it, what if i really made him miserable n he found happiness in a short time and i depreived him of that?

I had to find out if it was true so i finally got the courage to call and ask, i was direct about it n then the hurt n anger made me say some good awful mean stuff because he was treating me like i wasn't somone (if i had meant something to him i do deserve the answers to the questions that now haunts me). Obviously while i've been fighting to find my happiness to be ok with things and move forward it seems like i've been played for a fool, i feel embrassed(We have a fair bit of mutal friends from university who i think knows we dated been broken up less than over a yr, they know he hasn't been dating only to hear he is engaged!), i feel like i deserve annswers, more than i have been dealt but i feel so insignificant at the end of it all.

Thanks for listenin, i know as a board you can provide some useful advice, i cannot even explain how i feel at the moment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 3:27pm

Hi sad_mich,


Start venting your feelings on paper, journal writing can help. So can some short-term counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 6:12pm

Thanks for your words
I thought the first time was bad but i guess i wasn't prepared for this. I do ahve so much angst feeling but right now i wished i never knew him, our paths never crossed, i'm disgusted at it, how ppl think its ok to treat others n make the decisions they do like it may nothave an affect on someone else once they happiness is momentarily satisifed.

I did go see the university counsellor coz it was too much too soon. He also suggested continued conselling and writing letters to him n his parents to let them know how i feel n then trashing it.

I ahve had some things that perhaps i was holding onto for sentimental values and the promises they held, thinking about him as the person i knew him to be, but after this news, i ahve decided to send it all back (at first ppl were like it'll devasted him, mind you he broke up with me, but i figured i don't want to hurt him purposely.) But now i know this person is someone different and its someone i don't want any association with coz his actions have wounded me so deeply. I'm just letting go n this time not looking back. I cannot have this happen to me again and soon he'll be a married man.