New on the Market, and Not happy about i

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
New on the Market, and Not happy about i
5
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 2:51am

My boyfriend Jamie, and i just broke up 3 days ago. We've lived together for 3 years now, and its finally come to an end.
I'm originally from Southern Ontario, and I moved to Manitoba so that he could keep attending university, while i took the year off to work. We've lived together for ages now.
Since the summer it's been a few months of some ups and downs.
I've always been pretty happy with him and i do love him alot.

We're breaking up because he says he cant " stand" me anymore.
WE've been through many big issues the past while. Fixing his fedish with porn,
dealing with a friend that framed him, making me beleive my boyfriend had cheated on me, simply because his friend wasnt getting enough " jamie" time to himself.. I was " in the way"
him lieing to me about what hes doing while im at work, only because " the truth would make me freak out"

He makes me out to be alot more jealous than i actually am, its a long story and im sure you all get the idea.

This friday... a day from now, we had plane tickets to go home and visit my family.
however with this fresh breakup I have to call my parents in the morning and say " sorry you wasted $750, cause we're breaking up.. can you send me some extra cash so i can drive home and get a room on the way if i need to?"

I feel so bad for my parents, they loved my boyfriend Jamie so much, and he's just simply said theres no way he can spend one more weekend with me.

He's convinced we're not working and we're never going to work, so why takes this out one day longer, i just need to start driving home according to him.

Im an absolute wreck and i have a 24 hour, none stop drive ahead of me. which i have to do by myself, as i cry the whole way!!

Honeslty... my worst fear is... i wanted to be with Jamie. 'forever' ykno... I was blissfully in love. I'm so affriad about worrying about him with other girls. He's super attractive. and god damnit, he knows it.
I love him so much i feel like i never want to loove at another man in my life. I dont want him to move on .. whats wrong with me?

Im sucha mess!

Thanks for listen if you took the time to read this. thanks so much i know its just me venting. but i really need some girl advise and feed back, about how im going to make it through this.. without crying myself into an ocean of tears, or maxing out my credit cards with compulsive shopping.

Im just going to miss him so much, and its going to kill me to have to DRIVE away from the man i love so much, watching him walk back into our house through my rearview mirror, I'm affraid i dont have the strength to do that without breaking down!!!!

~ please help

Natalie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 2:07pm

Natalie...

It's just an opinion from a man who doesn't know you at all...but Pianoguy thinks it might be a good idea to resolve your personal issues (and quirks) first!

I'll bet Jamie eventually went crazy after listening to you complain about and criticize him...as well as the lifestyle the 2 of you were sharing? I'm not suggesting that JAMIE WAS PERFECT cuz he probably wasn't! But most men will only tolerate so much verbiage that ANY WOMAN hands him. After that...we're gonna split! We might find somebody else who is 'less verbal' and 'more accepting' when it comes to our terrible habits...but even if we don't...WE DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR COMPLAINTS ANY LONGER!

So rather than worry about how Jamie responds to another woman...why not re-examine your own 'responses and habits' instead?

You might discover a few things about yourself that you'd...err...like to change?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 2:29pm

I'm sorry to hear you're in such pain. I guess no matter how problematic the relationship was, when someone breaks up with you, your instinct is to hold on to him, and idealize him.

On the one hand you say you were blissfully in love, but the details you give don't quite match what I imagine a blissful situation to be.

I know you are in an emotional state and you might not be able to step back and analyze the relationship for a few days. For now, I think you should take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who love and care about you. A 24 hour nonstop drive doesn't sound like the best thing for you to do right now. Make some stops along the way. Why can't you just fly home?

When you are ready to, think about why he said he can't stand you anymore. Those are harsh words and I wonder what is behind this (is he cruel or is there something more to it?). Can you own up to any behavior that may have driven him away? Can you change? Do you want to change? If it was such a blissful relationship, then why did it end in this way? I think there's a lot of reflection and analysis that needs to take place.

For now, take care of yourself. You're in a fragile state and don't put yourself in any situations that will be extra aggravating or stressful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 5:11pm

You know you're right it wasn't always " blissful". and yes we had a few issues.

But this breakup has come on like a big huge punch of reality.
I know i used to get upset about certain things in the past. some with rightful reasons... some i was just over reacting.

I honestly beleive in my heart i can change for the better. I really do and i'm 100% open to it. He needs to as well, however, he has a temper too.

I Wish i could fly home. But i have my car here, if only i could pack it onto a plane haha.

He's saying he cant stand me anymore just because we fight a bit. we mostly just bicker.. but i havent met a couple that doesnt bicker. Maybe he's just not ready for the comitment. i dont know. i wish he would just tell me cause hes so vague about not being able to " stand" me anymore. I suppose we could just be around each other too much. We've livied together forever now it seems.

I just dont understand , know that its suddenly over.. i want him more than ever. Im fighting for him to give me one last chance, but... why? i know once i get over him after a couple /a few months. i'll be alright... yet.. i cant stand to bear the fact of leaving him.

Am i just upset and thinking not very rationally.. or am I actually losing it?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 5:50pm

Hey Natalie,


I am sorry to hear of your heartache.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 7:31pm
Breaking up is pure misery. Is there a part of you at all that is happy the drama is over? I mean, how could you live like that?? It took me awhile but now I feel FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE...