New to Site - Needing help here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
New to Site - Needing help here....
13
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:15pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 1:56pm

Welcome to iVillage and the board midge246,


With any break up, most of us want closure and questions answers, however it has been my experience that any answer you hear you won't agree with, accept or be ok with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 2:06pm

Carrie:


Thanks, my head tells me you are so right, my heart tells me that I need to hear (as he calls it) "more candid reason why I left for good (and the good of everyone)"....it also has something to do with "an amends".

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 2:22pm

I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 1:33pm

Hi All:


Update from my post yesterday....He came over last night to chat, to give me answers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 2:43pm

Update from my post yesterday....He came over last night to chat, to give me answers.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 4:29pm

Oh, I'm sure that was painful to hear but at least now you know and there's no reason not to move on.


A couple things that help me once I'm in no contact mode:


1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2008
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 4:34pm

Thank you Sheri, I appreciate the suggestions and words of wisdom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 5:30pm

Three things that have really helped me:

1. Make yourself a calendar and every morning when you get up, X off the day before if you didn't call/email/txt/contact with a big black marker. Wait till you see those X's stacking up! At first, you have to so few it seems awful. But, when they start building, you won't want to undo all your good work! This has been the best thing for me so far to keep from making contact. The visual of all those X's is a great motivator.

2. Get one or two people that you can call whenever you feel like contacting him. Promise yourself that you will not call until you talk to one of your buddies. If neither person is available, make yourself wait at least two hours before you make contact. Usually, you will be able to talk yourself out of it by then.

3. Get the book "Obsessive Love: When it hurts too much to let go" by Susan Forward and Craig Buck. I'm not suggesting you're obsessive, but Part Three of the book is all about letting go, good for even the non-obsessive. It has really helped me.

I am in a very similar situation myself; month four since the break-up, day 21 of total NC. Although I still cry about it almost every day, I am starting to feel better. It *will* get easier, I promise.

Best of luck to you,
Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 6:09pm

Hi midge246,


Good for you for setting a boundary and starting No Contact.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 6:11pm

Oh, yes, great suggestion on the calendar!!

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