With any break up, most of us want closure and questions answers, however it has been my experience that any answer you hear you won't agree with, accept or be ok with.
Thanks, my head tells me you are so right, my heart tells me that I need to hear (as he calls it) "more candid reason why I left for good (and the good of everyone)"....it also has something to do with "an amends".
1. Make yourself a calendar and every morning when you get up, X off the day before if you didn't call/email/txt/contact with a big black marker. Wait till you see those X's stacking up! At first, you have to so few it seems awful. But, when they start building, you won't want to undo all your good work! This has been the best thing for me so far to keep from making contact. The visual of all those X's is a great motivator.
2. Get one or two people that you can call whenever you feel like contacting him. Promise yourself that you will not call until you talk to one of your buddies. If neither person is available, make yourself wait at least two hours before you make contact. Usually, you will be able to talk yourself out of it by then.
3. Get the book "Obsessive Love: When it hurts too much to let go" by Susan Forward and Craig Buck. I'm not suggesting you're obsessive, but Part Three of the book is all about letting go, good for even the non-obsessive. It has really helped me.
I am in a very similar situation myself; month four since the break-up, day 21 of total NC. Although I still cry about it almost every day, I am starting to feel better. It *will* get easier, I promise.
Pages
Welcome to iVillage and the board midge246,
With any break up, most of us want closure and questions answers, however it has been my experience that any answer you hear you won't agree with, accept or be ok with.
Carrie:
Thanks, my head tells me you are so right, my heart tells me that I need to hear (as he calls it) "more candid reason why I left for good (and the good of everyone)"....it also has something to do with "an amends".
I hope you get the answers you are looking for.
Hi All:
Update from my post yesterday....He came over last night to chat, to give me answers.
Update from my post yesterday....He came over last night to chat, to give me answers.
Oh, I'm sure that was painful to hear but at least now you know and there's no reason not to move on.
A couple things that help me once I'm in no contact mode:
1.
Thank you Sheri, I appreciate the suggestions and words of wisdom.
Three things that have really helped me:
1. Make yourself a calendar and every morning when you get up, X off the day before if you didn't call/email/txt/contact with a big black marker. Wait till you see those X's stacking up! At first, you have to so few it seems awful. But, when they start building, you won't want to undo all your good work! This has been the best thing for me so far to keep from making contact. The visual of all those X's is a great motivator.
2. Get one or two people that you can call whenever you feel like contacting him. Promise yourself that you will not call until you talk to one of your buddies. If neither person is available, make yourself wait at least two hours before you make contact. Usually, you will be able to talk yourself out of it by then.
3. Get the book "Obsessive Love: When it hurts too much to let go" by Susan Forward and Craig Buck. I'm not suggesting you're obsessive, but Part Three of the book is all about letting go, good for even the non-obsessive. It has really helped me.
I am in a very similar situation myself; month four since the break-up, day 21 of total NC. Although I still cry about it almost every day, I am starting to feel better. It *will* get easier, I promise.
Best of luck to you,
Heather
Hi midge246,
Good for you for setting a boundary and starting No Contact.
Oh, yes, great suggestion on the calendar!!
Pages