New Year's agony
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New Year's agony
| Sat, 12-29-2007 - 6:17pm |
The guy I've managed to distance with my jealousy & insecurities has decided to spend New Year's Eve with his best male friend at 1st Night in a nearby city (the friend's wife isn't going). Usually this guy spends holidays with me. He lives long distance part of the year, and called me on Christmas morning so that he could open his gifts from me with me over the phone. He didn't invite me to 1st Night, because I haven't always enjoyed crowds or cities in the past. But, I am trying to overcome my timidity (complacence maybe...) & do more things - you know, be more laid-back. I asked if I could go, but this guyfriend doesn't want to rearrange plans with his buddy for NYE to allow me to come. And he mentioned that his sister & "friends" (it slipped out) were out at some nearby event while he called me. This is the sister who tried to set him up with a friend of hers. This friend was all over him at his sister's wedding. She also happens to live in the city where the 1st Night event is going to be. She also has visited this guy's sister in the state that my guy friend stays part time. I messed up, and asked laughingly if it she was down there. He didn't deny it, but said he thought I didn't want to know when she was around? Or something like that... I was sort of in shock on the phone thinking re. it, and didn't really catch what he said. He kind of casually mentioned to me before that he didn't really have much in common with her. One thing - he always refers to this person as a friend of his sister's, not as his friend. I think they all went to a movie last night, cause he said he saw a new movie, and he didn't call last night. I didn't mention this to him, tho!!! I just said that it sounded like a good movie and talked about other movies he & I like.
I am feeling sooooo stressed right now.... I have cold rushes in my arms... : (
He is coming back on the 1st and wants to go to a movie with me. He also wants to go to an event in February (Film Festival) with the same guy friend he's going to NYE's with, and wants to get a ticket for me, too. He also said that we could do the 1st Night next year together. Also, I'm going down with him to that city to go shopping.
I'm just trying to keep it together about this girl maybe being there. Obviously, he likes my company, but what's up with that girl????!! He did spend time in that city the last time he was here.
Please help! I am trying to work on my jealousy & insecurities - these are the things he doesn't like about me, but this is so hard!! I keep thinking re. him maybe being with her tonight and maybe on New Years'. This is all speculation. But, I know he wants to spend time with me, because of the plans he's making. I need to realize I have good qualities that have made him want to be my best friend all these years.
This is agony.
I am feeling sooooo stressed right now.... I have cold rushes in my arms... : (
He is coming back on the 1st and wants to go to a movie with me. He also wants to go to an event in February (Film Festival) with the same guy friend he's going to NYE's with, and wants to get a ticket for me, too. He also said that we could do the 1st Night next year together. Also, I'm going down with him to that city to go shopping.
I'm just trying to keep it together about this girl maybe being there. Obviously, he likes my company, but what's up with that girl????!! He did spend time in that city the last time he was here.
Please help! I am trying to work on my jealousy & insecurities - these are the things he doesn't like about me, but this is so hard!! I keep thinking re. him maybe being with her tonight and maybe on New Years'. This is all speculation. But, I know he wants to spend time with me, because of the plans he's making. I need to realize I have good qualities that have made him want to be my best friend all these years.
This is agony.

OMG starlite, breathe girl!! Okay this relationship is still salvageable, but you have to find a distraction. All the obsessing in the world won't stop a guy from doing what he wants to do. This guy seems like he wants to be with you so toning down the jealousy factor is key!You did well not bringing up some points you noticed in the convo, but you have to go beyond that and let him tell you how he enjoyed NYE. Don't bring up the sister's friend. More importantly set up a fun evening of your own so you don't have him completely on your mind, be sure to spare your friends and family any of the conspiracy theories that you have already hatched in your head (we've all done that at least once), lol.
Pinpointing the root of your uncontrollable insecurity will ultimately help you get control of it. Think hard and right it down, it will save you now and in the future to get to the truth of it. Best Wishes.
This situation is hard, tho', cause this guyfriend spent a couple of days in the nearby city last time he was here. (He was only here for a less than a week). His parents have an apt there that they weren't in at the time. He also lived there for a few months a couple of years ago. Another time, he was here for a few months, but stayed in the city quite a few days. He had mentioned before that he wanted to make more friends (guys & girls?). (We live in a small town that doesn't have a lot going on.)
He did invite me down to visit him when he was there, tho', but bratty me at the time didn't go. bleah.
He said that this time when he came back to my state, that he wanted to spend time in this city as well. I guess I had thought that he would want to spend the couple of weeks he was here with me, not go spending time in the city. (He's only here for just a couple of weeks, then he has to go back to the other state.)
It's especially hard for me to deal with this, because a previous boyfriend spent time with an ex in this city, and spent time with his now-wife in that city after we broke up. Plus, I was engaged to that boyfriend on New Year's Eve, so this is all a double-whammy for me. Ugh.