New Years Break Up & 1 yr aniv. today
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| Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:30am |
Hi all, please be patient, this is long but interesting...pls read on...
Background: Both of us divorced...I have a boy, he has a girl..never met the kids the whole time of our relationship as not to involve them until we were "sure". Was dating my boyfriend almost 1 yr (anniversary today). Our relationship/the good = Great chemistry, never an argument, friendship, supportiveness,laughter, great times, Really there for eachother....everything between "us" was perfect.
The bad: I believe we stopped "Dating" and got very comfortable together almost too soon. I was hurt many times in the past but started to trust him & our relationship - it was so GOOD, he wasn't gonna hurt me? He has been hurt bad before and always afraid of falling in love, trusting a woman & being hurt again. I fell in love with him and thought we were getting much closer. He travels much for work, and I have to tolerate his schedule, missing out on seeing him alot by dividing time between his work, child & me....tough to balance things but we managed! Fyi- I can't see another woman dealing with this crap--fyi- also the reason others hurt him before- they have cheated on him...I never did!
I finally started meeting friends, met his dad (who loves me), and thought this was growing! We had a wonderful Christmas - him & his dad came to my moms- our families got along great! Go out to dinner after Christmas and with a few drinks under the belt...we get into discussions - leading to "He loves so many things about me"...then comes the "BUT"...guess what- he still feels he isn't in love with me, and I am in love with him? DEVESTATING for ME! That comes in the way of the plans for New Years Eve--we didn't go away for the night as we thought of doing, I couldn't do THAT knowing we had this bad thing between us...We don't really speak much that week before New Years...I don't know whats up? I leave a message Sat before New Years saying.."we need to clear the air between us on what happened the night we went out - were you trying to tell me you wanted to break up"? He doesn't contact me until later SUNDAY to "Talk" (New Years Eve) and asks me to meet him at 7:30 _ I'm thinking- he is breaking up with me on New Years! I meet him as planned....he acts as if all is normal in the restaurant? I sit- waiting for it...and after a drinks & him eating, me picking at food...I say "you wanted to talk"..we get back into him saying.."I can't tell you that I love you, and you give so much to this relationship & I feel I don't give you as much, I feel guilty about that..is not fair to you" The final straw I ask, "but did you really try?" He says "I really did". Something inside me SNAPS (and I never get angry with him). I grab my coat & say..."I hope you find whatever it is your looking for but I know it won't be HALF as good as what you just gave up", and I storm out of the restaurant- leaving him there. I get my car, and I am shaking inside thinking "this is NOT happening on New Years EVE!!" I was so mad I started to head home, but ended up calling his cell asking "Why did you wait to get back to me TONIGHT, New Years EVE, Like nothing happened...You wanted me to meet you, for THIS, Did you want me or not, To Stay or Go,WHAT, Your playing with me & it hurts!, I'm so mad at you!!" I get home, and yet I get back in the car (I know wrong choice) and headed back to his house to finish finally letting my anger out on him! I call, he knows I am coming...I get there, and was so emotionally exhausted I couldn't even YELL at him. We sit, the worst new years ever...a few words here & there...feeling we're doomed! We go to bed, and the next day (Mon) we have coffee & talk. Same things, we felt we were on the same page of where we were at, discovered what we both had been needing from eachother all along that was missing and "he feels after a year, he should feel MORE for me NOW, or is this it, all he may feel....its tough because we have a great relationship, no problems, his mind tells him one thing, his heart says an other...something was missing?" ..After moving from one spot to another within the house (nearing the door), some silence, small words exchanged, some hand holding, knowing what we will miss with one another, trying to figure out what "love" is between us & is it at all there, what it means...do we have it....heading closer to the door, deciding to part ways...was it a "Break" or "Break Up", we weren't sure....I leave...very sadly...he says "Maybe this can just be a break". All week we don't speak, no text messages, no calls, nothing...military silence. Friday night, I go out with the girls...they are gonna send every (drunk) available man my way to help me feel Better? NOT. I get hit on over & over...NOT READY for this, it wasn't taking my mind off of my boyfriend, but making me miss our Friday Nights together? I break the silence with a text message "Is this what you want?". His response "I DO Miss you & don't feel good". My response is "Why didn't we TRY more romantic things instead of just giving up on eachother?" Why throw away a good thing now that we realize we BOTH need those "special moments" why not TRY? He says "I'm at home, sick to my stomache & don't know if its right or wrong, something was missing"...Awhile later...I get tired of this bar stuff, and I wish I was with him? We end up talking on the phone, discussing this, I give him my ideas of what I think we needed to do before losing eachother....he thinks those things might feel unnatural? He states how he missed me this week, and I stated I did too, and this night out was ridiculous, I just wish I could've seen him-he says the same...I end up over his house very late just to see & be with him, not for "other stuff" (Ok I know, bad idea) But I walk in, I give him a hug & he was headed to bed. I go up with him, we start to just lay together, just to "be with him" long story short, this was a VERY late visit, he was tired, I was wide awake feeling like a switch turned off between us, over a weeks time! I felt lonelier in the bed WITH him that at home without him? A few comments about our feeling on the relationship....feeling it's over...we discussed being intimate & started to - however, I had been out (he hadn't) so he smelled beer & cigs on me (even though I freshened up & brushed), and doesn't like that and didn't want to kiss me--I STOPPED the whole idea of being intimate at that point...no affection from him, and that comment, I said "NO forget this"..I can't even do this now..that came out in a bad way...the moment passed for him after that. He turns over, I'm laying there thinking "what are you doing here for???" I try to rest my hand on his shoulder as I decide, I think I need to leave...The touch of my hand makes him jump -"what are you doing"... he said he was just falling asleep and it startled him, he sounded so mean to me!!! Again, I've never got upset & REALLY freaked out on him, but something TURNED inside me...I yelled, I was just placing my hand on your G-D SHOULDER, and you JUMP a mile! I jumped up from the bed, and said I AM OUT OF HERE, I don't need this, you don't want me,FINE, Why the hell did I bother to come here, what an idiot I am...I'm taking the little bit of PRIDE I have left & I'm leaving with it!" I was looking all around for my clothes, acting very angrily , as if I couldn't get out QUICK enough! I stormed out of his room, down the hall, down the stairs as I yell "This is definitly YOUR LOSS not mine" (tears started to fall) ran into the bathroom to grab a tissue as I head to the door. He comes down the stairs, says nothing, picks my car keys up from off the floor near the stairs where I left them and holds them in his hand...I grab my things next to the door, turn around to see him there, I walk over to him, whip the keys out of his hand & say "Not so hard to leave you this time is it - WATCH ME!" and storm out the door! Thinking of it now..... I felt EMPOWERED, I feel I stood my ground for ONCE! Anyway, I have been upset since, knowing I reached my breaking point, I never acted that way before & didn't want him to think that woman was who I really was after all? I still love him & don't want it OVER but this is very difficult issues here! However, this unfolded Friday night, and come Saturday, I figured, it had to be over, after how bad that night felt with him and after my Freak Out....I believe it is done! FYI= I realize y shirt & bra were left behind at his house. Sat night I planned to meet an old friend....at 10:30 pm out of the BLUE, I heard my message indicator go off - I get a text message from him saying "I am sorry about last night. I was exhausted and didn't mean to be mean." I was shocked to hear anything at all? But for that message to come that much later, and late at night, it must have been weighing on his mind that he was WRONG! Or he thought I felt so rejected, he was afraid I would seek someone else (his prior experience with women, and I mentioned it too )? I did NOT respond. SO, now I'm here and had a relationship breakdown after such a GREAT year....and today would've been our YEAR anniversary. I want him back, he really is a good man, and we do have lots of good things between us! This is a real bad place we're in and our anniversary was tough today with this going on :(! I know I need him to realize how he feels, if he misses me, that he IS losing a GOOD thing, "US"...How long do I wait to let him know I got the message....and let him know my thoughts on things, and the ideas I came up with, IF he wanted to try because he felt we were worth it! What do I do, and what are your thoughts on this...I know it all sounds bad (and it was) but prior to this we had not ONE problem! Could he be torn on his feelings, by his message, do you think he is really thinking...or what? I don't know how to proceed this week? Is there a chance for us? How long do I wait to contact or do I wait for him? Thanks in advance-sorry this is so long, and I hope you'll not be too harsh-I don't think I could handle that right now...Hope everyone is well. Sweetie

I'm sorry you're having to go through this...but I honestly don't think that his text means his feelings have changed, jus that he knows his behavior hurt you.
I would send him an email saying something like, I got your text, thanks, I appreciate you saying that. If you change your mind about trying again, please let me know; otherwise, it's best that we not have contact right now.
Since he's the one who broke up, he needs to be the one to decide he wants to try again. But if he really doesn't feel he's in love with you, then what you want may not happen, so that's why I think it would be best for you to move on in the meantime.
Sheri