newbie-no where else to go

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
newbie-no where else to go
2
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 1:13am
I thought this would be the best place to get support. My guy and I had been together for over 6 years, living together for almost four of those. We've had problems off and on but nothing we couldn't fix before. Then about a month ago he told me that he's been depressed for the last 8 moths or so, I had seen a change in him but I had thought it was cause he had been promoted to assistant manager and he was working lots and tired I never guessed depression. I had gone back to school in September, so to him I was getting this great career that I wanted and he was stuck in a dead end crap job with no future. I suggested we go and talk to a counsellor together and maybe look into him taking some business courses at the college because he had always said he'd like to own his own business. He shot that down, he wasn't interested in dealing with his depression or getting help for it. We haven't slept in the same bed in three months or more, sex has been even longer then that, he's not interested in it, and I understand that because there is low libido with depression, but he wouldn't even put his arms around me or kiss me unless I specifically asked him too. Well on Saturday night he came home from work, grabbed his spare uniform for work and his toothbrush and said he was staying at his mother over night, tossed me a note and left. In his note he said that he was staying at his mothers (i guess he expected my to be in bed when he got home) over night and that the only incentive he had for coming home anymore was for me to make him feel bad about himself which I didnt' understand cause I've kept things to myself so as NOT to do that but that's I guess what happened, anyways, he said Sunday night he would come over after work and talk to me. I kind of guessed what was coming but still thought that we could talk it through and work it out. Well I was wrong he said that we've changed to much over the last year, we're not the same people we were 6 years ago, we were living different lives and we've done nothig but make each other miserable the last while. That it would be better for both of us to break it off now, that even counselling wouldn't work. If we carried it any longer we'd end up hating each other. I felt like my heart had been ripped out, I was kind of expecting it but I didn't think we'd end up breaking up, I though we could fix it. I love him, it would be so much easier to deal with this if he'd done something I could hate him for, but even breaking up he's doing everything he can to make it easier for me, he even spent the night just holding me cause I couldn't be alone and it was to late at night to call anyone. He came over yesterday to talk about what we were each going to take, and he said he didn't really want anything, he's taking the tv and the computer and playstation cause the tv technically belongs to his mom, the computer he bought a few months ago and I don't use it all that much and the PS2 is his. He said he was only takin ghis personal stuff for now, he wasn't going to take the computer or the tv till he could replace them (he's buying me new ones), He's paying the phone and internet bill for the next three months, the cats have vet appt coming up in which he's helping to pay for, he's letting me keep both of them, and he's paying for three months full rent (full, not just his share) and enough money so I don't need to worry about money for awhile. He's been so sweet about this that it's making it even harder then if he was being a jerk about it. I can't not except the help because if I didn't I'd go broke and end up in debt. Everything is so hard, I'm having a really hard time dealing with this, my family has been great but they won't leave me alone, I told them I need time to myself but they don't get that, they've phoned a couple times a day (my mom, stepdad and two sisters each) to see how I'm doing, if I turn the ringer off and don't answer they show up at my house. How can I get them to back off a bit and give me time? Well I didn't realise this was going to be this long, I really needed to vent, and this makes it easier when no one will interrupt me or tell me things will be ok... thanks for reading all this if you made it though it
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 2:04pm

hi angelfish84

i'm so sorry for what happen...well there's nothing we could do for right now..just respect his decision and be strong..i know its hard you guys been together for 6yrs. so it will take time to heal..about your family being there for you. i think let them do it. you need them at this point. than being alone.

anyways maybe if you give him sometime to think and realized his wrong..he'll be back to you. but dont expect too much also.

more power to you and good luck!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 2:11pm

I'm so sorry you're goign through this.

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