newly heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2005
newly heartbroken
9
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 10:03pm
I just broke things off with my boyfriend 2 days ago, and it has finally hit me. I sent him an instant message to try and get closure, and when he said it's over that's when it finally hit me. I have been crying ever since. I feel like i'm dying. My heart is broken into a million pieces and it doesn't feel like it's ever going to heal. This is the worst hurt ever. This was my first love, and my first real realtionship. How do I deal with all this? I miss him and still love him. I wonder if I made the right decision. He didn't treat me well, but I still love him for some reason. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 10:34pm
I am so sorry for your pain!!
I know how it feels to be completely crushed. Like you, my ex didn't treat me well and deep down I knew I was better off without him. But when things actually happened I was absolutely crushed.
I'm still struggling, I have my good days and my bad. It's been 3 weeks since we really broke things off completely and stopped talking, but almost 4 months since the initial break-up.
No contact is good for you and it will help you to move on. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your pain and I hope you feel better soon. Keep posting on here, it helps to type it all out.
Big hugs!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:09pm

Me too! We stopped talking a week ago, and it's taking a ton of energy not to call him. I want to so badly - but I know that the hurt will just drag on longer if I do...if he even returns my call.

I bought a book of thoughts by the same author of "He's just not that into you" for like 10 bucks at B&N. When I have a weak moment, I read through that and it has helped boost my resolve.

In my weakest moments I call a supportive friend, and she reminds me of all the bleakest moments I had with him, how poorly he treated me, and that there are men out there who will treat me well - but I'll never meet them if I'm still obsessed with him.

Of course, I'm questioning why I made such a fuss that ended things and, now, can only think of the best moments we shared together...so my friend helps give me some steam to keep moving forward as well.

It's tough. It's not my first break-up, and my mind tells me it'll get better...but my heart sure does ache.

My advice to both of us: Keep moving forward, keep busy, talk to friends, hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:18pm
I'm glad to hear that I'm not really crazy when I feel like I want to talk to my ex who didnt treat me well. Not glad that you are going through that but glad that there are others who know the pain. I feel like I need closure but I know he's never going to give it to me and I just have to let go. Days seem to be okay at work but at night it is really hard and today wasn't a good day. I almost called him twice and wish I could be in his arms. Hope this goes away soon and I really wish I knew if he will ever call again so I can prepare my heart when I see his phone number. I want him not to call but then I wish he would. CRAZY!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 12:44am
Hey
I know how it feels to want to talk to an ex who didnt treat you well! Wow about a year ago I felt the same way. You see I think girls get attached, espeically to there first love and soon they cant imagine there life without him (not sterotyping, just my experience). TURST ME in time you will look back on this and say "what was i thinking" you will find someone who treats you good and you wont look back. I know right now it seems impossible and you wont believe me now. Things will only get better. PLUS you cant spend forever with someone who doesnt treat you good, nobody deserves that. After awhile you will become accoustomed to life wihtout him, and everything will be fine. Just avoid contact for awile, I know you really really dont want to. But this is essential for getting over him! Dont worry! You will have many more loves !
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 4:20am
Thank you for the encouraging words. I know in my heart I will have the cahnce to love again. Sometimes I feel like my heart cannot love again because it has made its quota for heart breaks but I know that is just my sadness talking. I will try everyday to not make any contact with him and one day I will wake up and he will be gone. Thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2005
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 9:32pm
Hey, thanks for the encouraging words. I know I got attached to him way to soon, that's why I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I haven't really thought about him in a week. Friday was a week since I broke things off with him, and I haven't been dealing with it very well. I miss him, despite how bad he treated me, I still miss him. I want to call him so much. I have sent him two instant messages but he hasn't responed, and that is very painful. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I can't help myself. I long to see him, to talk to him and to hold him. When will this pain go away. I never want to feel this way again. Sometimes I don't feel like I will ever love again. I know another reason why this is so hard is because he was my first love and the first person I ever slept with. I don't think I'll ever get over this. If anyone out there is feeling the same way or has any advice please reply. I feel like my life is ending. Not having a good night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 4:26pm

sweetgirl310, I'm going through just about exactly what you're going through. My boyfriend of a month and a half broke up with me on Saturday because we never really saw each other outside of school. I'm not sure if we're on a break, because he says he still likes me, but it's just not the right time. And I know how much pain you're going through; I just broke down and cried just before I went to sleep.

Anyways, just try not to call him, IM him, or talk to him for a while. It won't do anything but add more pain. I'm not saying that you should never ever talk to him again because..maybe you could be friends again. I don't like it (and I don't think anyone does) when a relationship ends sourly and you both become enemies.

So my advice for both of us: hang out with your girls, spill out anything you feel like you need to, and just be thankful that you've got friends that will always be there for you! =D

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 7:23pm
it's weird but im going through the exact same thing. I also broke up with my boyfriend last friday, we were together for over two years. I wrote a message on the board asking what i should do he wanted to keep me a secret and not let his exwife know that we were together, but i didn't wait for a reply(that was just one example of how bad he treated me. He was a jerk. The same day i broke up with him he went back to his exwife. But i too have the book he just ain't into you. everytime i have a week moment i read it. It helps i recommend it to everyone. last night i went out with a friend just to get out of the house So it was four in the morning im drunk and i go by is house(i know i am so weak) and he was not home. it hurts to know that he moved on so quickly. so i call his cell phone of course he will not anwser. he will not return my calls. so i too have my weak moments and even though he was a jerk i find it very hard to move on im so depressed and hate myself for letting a stupid guy mess up my life and make me feel so bad
but trust me we are all better without them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 8:58pm

Hi Sweetgirl310,
I am so sorry to hear about what happend between you and your boyfriend. I know how much you are hurting right now, because almost the same thing happend to me last night. We have been doing a long distance relationship for about 6 months now. We were taking turns driving the 2.5 hour drive to see each other. Anyway, long story short, he had agreed to find a job here in Dallas where I live and we were going to get married...we had looked at rings and I expected one for my birthday in about two months. Well, we have been fighting quite a bit lately and he has been very depressed about his job and our situation. He started drinking even more than ever and we had an argument yesterday afternoon. He was supposed to be here last night by 7 30 but I did not hear from him. I called and called and called and got no answer. Finally, after about 30 min, I got an answer and he was so drunk you just wouldn't belive it. He said the most horrible, awful, terrible things to me and in one angry drunk moment, he threw everything we had away. I cried all night long and have been crying on and off all day. He has text messaged me three four times today, however, I have not responded at all. I have nothing to him at this time. I feel just like you do, I feel like my life is over. I had been thinking of breaking it off with him but now that he has done it to me first, I am hurting just like you are. I am sure you know what I mean when I say that you have this awful horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. One part of you wants to go back and call him and beg him back and try to work it out, and the other (smarter) part of you knows that that would just be jumping back into the fire and eventually you'd have to go through all this again.

I am not sure what to do or what to tell you to do. I know from experience that when you really love someone and think that it is forever, you feel empty and lost and defeated when you realize that it just isn't going to work out. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but I am and God is the only thing that is getting me through right now. I know that he has someone else that is RIGHT for me, but it is so hard to say goodbye and really do it.

The best thing I guess for us both to do is to have no communication with the guy. Somehow we just have to try to find peace in the fact that everything happens for a reason and just like everything else, this too shall pass.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. There are other out there that are hurting too. You'll be fine though and so will I. It's only hard for the first part, and then it gets easier day by day. Hang in there girlie girl....keep your head up!

Lindsay