Newly single pt II
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Newly single pt II
| Tue, 07-27-2004 - 7:51pm |
I cant beleive i compromised so much of myself to be with him. ( the guy with the prejiduced family)
i should of known when he told me they dont approve of mixed race marriages, relationships, or children, that we were doomed.
yes wanted a good lil 1950's housewife, and i have never been that. he wanted someone submissive and someone who would puruse him......and i started to change into that. i would call him, i would give him $$$, i would fold his clothes.....go in the store when he wanted somthing. sure he would thank me......but why did i bohter!!!!!??
i am used to men doing for me. i am used to women being in charge of things. inmy family thats the way it is, women in charge always.
and i was willing, so willing to become a good lil "YES" bitch, and for what?????
for a man that is physically unattractive, with no mind of his own, who made me feel stupid,and disposable. was it worth it?????????
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im so mad at myself for being so open with him......for being so vunrable......and for being rejected by him in the process. i cant belive he rejected me!!!!!! wasant i supposed to reject him????? this is not how it was supposed to happen!!!!!!!!!!
i gave him the benifit of the doubt in so many situations. like when we first started talking on the chatline, he told me he had a job but lost it. i asked why and he was hesitant to tell me. but he did. he told me he worked at a shelter for adolescents. and he was fired, because a 12 yr old girl told the boss that he had come on to her. and he told me it was a lie, the reason she said that was because he told her to shut up and mind her own bussneiss and she retaliated by doing this. this raised so many red flaggs for me. it was all i could think about and it was part of my descion to dumpo him the 1st time. as a child he was in foster care, so he majored in human services, becaus ehe wnated to work with children. he said so many things about the system are messed up and he wants to be one of the people to change it.
he didnt grow up within his famiyl, which is why i feel, he wants them to accept him and his descions so badly.......now that he has them in his life, he wants to keep them there.
anyway, when we started talking the second time, he told me that his old job asked him back because the girl admitted she was lying about what she said he did.
and i beleived him. then the monday before he dumpe dme we took his best freidns two daughters to the beach. one was 6 one was 11. i paid more attention to the younger girl, i like younger kids better, he borderlined on flirtatious with the 11 yr old. he would let her use his cel;lphone to talk to her friends, then he would take the phone from her mid conversation, and be like "for real? oh my god....no he didnt" all flirtatiously. she is a little girl, and he was angry at me for some reason, i think we had words, and he told me not to touch him, because i didnt want to be touched so when i went to touch him he was all like dont touch me. but he reached into the backseat and patted the 11 year olds head. by then, i was so angry. my thoughts were running wild. was it true? i confronted him one day, on our second date about it. he started crying. he was like " i never cry i cant beleive im crying now, but i cant beleive you think i would do that. i love kids, the only reason i want a little girl so bad is becaus ei watched my dad and my sister and they were so close i just want that."
he would smile at little girls whereever we went. i thought is it possible he just wants a little girl, or does he like little girls?
i let it go when he toldme he was offered his job back.
then it came up again the monday before he dumped me.
i was thinking it may be possible. but it was too late, i had already slept with him the weekend before.
i felt like the lowest of the low.
and thats what i mean, i always gave him the beinifit of the doubt.
like a fool. this whole "relationship" may of been short, but it was damaging. i should of given myself time to get over my exfinace. and not started tlaking to another guy the night i kicked my ex outta the apartment.
UGH! and the way this guy ( the guy with the racist family) took things out on me....
the way he tunred things around on me....so everyting was my fault. he never did anything wrong...there was always a away it was all on me. whenever he did something wrong he would say "theres no way y0ur gonna make me feel guilty about this, ididnt do anything wrong."
oh no.....he never did anything wrong. not him.
what a joke.
i should of known when he told me they dont approve of mixed race marriages, relationships, or children, that we were doomed.
yes wanted a good lil 1950's housewife, and i have never been that. he wanted someone submissive and someone who would puruse him......and i started to change into that. i would call him, i would give him $$$, i would fold his clothes.....go in the store when he wanted somthing. sure he would thank me......but why did i bohter!!!!!??
i am used to men doing for me. i am used to women being in charge of things. inmy family thats the way it is, women in charge always.
and i was willing, so willing to become a good lil "YES" bitch, and for what?????
for a man that is physically unattractive, with no mind of his own, who made me feel stupid,and disposable. was it worth it?????????
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im so mad at myself for being so open with him......for being so vunrable......and for being rejected by him in the process. i cant belive he rejected me!!!!!! wasant i supposed to reject him????? this is not how it was supposed to happen!!!!!!!!!!
i gave him the benifit of the doubt in so many situations. like when we first started talking on the chatline, he told me he had a job but lost it. i asked why and he was hesitant to tell me. but he did. he told me he worked at a shelter for adolescents. and he was fired, because a 12 yr old girl told the boss that he had come on to her. and he told me it was a lie, the reason she said that was because he told her to shut up and mind her own bussneiss and she retaliated by doing this. this raised so many red flaggs for me. it was all i could think about and it was part of my descion to dumpo him the 1st time. as a child he was in foster care, so he majored in human services, becaus ehe wnated to work with children. he said so many things about the system are messed up and he wants to be one of the people to change it.
he didnt grow up within his famiyl, which is why i feel, he wants them to accept him and his descions so badly.......now that he has them in his life, he wants to keep them there.
anyway, when we started talking the second time, he told me that his old job asked him back because the girl admitted she was lying about what she said he did.
and i beleived him. then the monday before he dumpe dme we took his best freidns two daughters to the beach. one was 6 one was 11. i paid more attention to the younger girl, i like younger kids better, he borderlined on flirtatious with the 11 yr old. he would let her use his cel;lphone to talk to her friends, then he would take the phone from her mid conversation, and be like "for real? oh my god....no he didnt" all flirtatiously. she is a little girl, and he was angry at me for some reason, i think we had words, and he told me not to touch him, because i didnt want to be touched so when i went to touch him he was all like dont touch me. but he reached into the backseat and patted the 11 year olds head. by then, i was so angry. my thoughts were running wild. was it true? i confronted him one day, on our second date about it. he started crying. he was like " i never cry i cant beleive im crying now, but i cant beleive you think i would do that. i love kids, the only reason i want a little girl so bad is becaus ei watched my dad and my sister and they were so close i just want that."
he would smile at little girls whereever we went. i thought is it possible he just wants a little girl, or does he like little girls?
i let it go when he toldme he was offered his job back.
then it came up again the monday before he dumped me.
i was thinking it may be possible. but it was too late, i had already slept with him the weekend before.
i felt like the lowest of the low.
and thats what i mean, i always gave him the beinifit of the doubt.
like a fool. this whole "relationship" may of been short, but it was damaging. i should of given myself time to get over my exfinace. and not started tlaking to another guy the night i kicked my ex outta the apartment.
UGH! and the way this guy ( the guy with the racist family) took things out on me....
the way he tunred things around on me....so everyting was my fault. he never did anything wrong...there was always a away it was all on me. whenever he did something wrong he would say "theres no way y0ur gonna make me feel guilty about this, ididnt do anything wrong."
oh no.....he never did anything wrong. not him.
what a joke.
Signatures On
| Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:13pm |
I really think you should start a journal. I started one when my ex broke up with me and I got to see the trends and patterns in my behaviour. I would have extreme ups and downs. I am also bi racial. I really think that the fact that it was about your race is playing more of a role than the actual guy. He really doesn't seem to be the best guy on the planet considering the lies. Also, you have to question why it was that you cheated on him so many times. Obviously your needs were not being met at all. I have been discriminated against quite a few times and it is a real shock. I would definitely suggest starting up a journal, it really helped me. And I am sure you are a beautiful woman who will find the perfect man some day. But that man won't reject you based on his family's ridiculous prejudices. Good luck!
