no contact - can't deal!
Find a Conversation
no contact - can't deal!
| Wed, 05-10-2006 - 9:49am |
I am freaking out with this no contact. It was almost easier to sit on the fence & believe he was just experienceing cold feet or fear. But now his words from Monday night echo in my head - "I just fell out of love." It is beyond awful. I can't stop crying - the reality has hit me and I just want to talk some sense into him - although I know that is just my desperation talking. I was good to this man - treated him well and showed him nothing but love and devotion. He is what you would call from "the wrong side of the tracks" and I know that I was a good catch for him. Educated, independant make my own money etc. Other woman in his life (including his ex) were "trailor trash" types.
I was good for him - his friends all told him that - even his boss told him how much happier he seemed & that people found him easier to work with. He had cut way down on his partying, had a focus & spent more actual quality time with his kids. How can he just fall out of love with someone that had such a positive influence on him. And it wasn't one sided - he was such a positive influence on me I can't even explain it. Never before have I known any couple that truly brought out the best in each other like we did. And now he is gone - just gone. Even though we have technically been broken up for more then a month now he still called at least once a day and I saw him about once a week. He was over Thursday night - it really felt like we had begun to reconnect. Things were not strainned, everything was like it was before all the craziness started. He even mentioned still going ahead with the vacation we had planned this summer with the kids. Now he thinks "no contact would be best" and although I know he is right - it is torture. I can't function - I can't believe it is really over and I will never see him again. How do I get through this - I just have nothing left in me - just want to give up on everything. I am beyond freaking at this point!
I was good for him - his friends all told him that - even his boss told him how much happier he seemed & that people found him easier to work with. He had cut way down on his partying, had a focus & spent more actual quality time with his kids. How can he just fall out of love with someone that had such a positive influence on him. And it wasn't one sided - he was such a positive influence on me I can't even explain it. Never before have I known any couple that truly brought out the best in each other like we did. And now he is gone - just gone. Even though we have technically been broken up for more then a month now he still called at least once a day and I saw him about once a week. He was over Thursday night - it really felt like we had begun to reconnect. Things were not strainned, everything was like it was before all the craziness started. He even mentioned still going ahead with the vacation we had planned this summer with the kids. Now he thinks "no contact would be best" and although I know he is right - it is torture. I can't function - I can't believe it is really over and I will never see him again. How do I get through this - I just have nothing left in me - just want to give up on everything. I am beyond freaking at this point!

Hey. I am going through basically the same thing. My BF of 4.5 years broke up with me recently because he doesn't want to be in a relationship now. He said he loves me, but that he is trying to figure out what he wants out of life. At first I couldn't quit calling him and trying to get him to change his mind, but I realized last Thursday that I can't change his mind only he can. I know he loves me and we had a really great relationship. Just like your ex, he was from the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak. We are completely different, but have a lot in common also. I grew up with money, and he grew up being poor.
I have been keeping him off my mind by keeping myself busy. I have also found that writing in a journal about my feeling helps alot. I will always have hope that he and I can get back together, but right now I'm focusing on myself and what I need.
Unlike you, He hasn't said that he has fallen out of love with me. It might be easier if he did, then I wouldn't be wondering about whether or not we are going to get back together. Just remember that whatever is suppposed to happen will.
Hope this helped.
Yes, it's hard as hell...but it's the only way to get to the other side of the recovery process. "The only way out is through".
Take it one day, even one hour at a time, and remember that if you DO contact him, you'll have to start the process over again. It *will* get better if you keep up no contact, but it may get worse before it gets better as the reality continues to sink in (not trying to discourage you, just prepare you so you're not blindsided).
Sheri
You are NOT LESS THAN because of his choices, decisions, behavior, words or actions.
If you want to 'set him straight' write UNSENT letters, then burn them. Vent, pour out your heart, etc. get it all out, on paper.
Sorry you have to go through this, but going through it is what you have to do. Grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been.
Carrie
hi mitchell
like i TOLD you..you need to learn how to let go...look people around him see what your doing for him...but him, his not seeing it. his totally blind. coz whats important for him is HIM NOT GETTING HURT ANYMORE...COZ OF WHAT THE WIFE DID TO HIM. ITS NOT ABOUT REVENGE OR ANYTHING..HE IS PROTECTING HIMSELF NOT TO GET HURT...SO BEFORE HE GET TOTALLY ATTACH TO YOU. HE NEED TO CUT THE CORD.
guys are totally over protecting to them self esp if they been experience things that they never expecting its gonna ever happen to them. COMPARE TO US LADYS WE ARE ALWAYS READY TO TAKE THAT RISK...SO THATS WHY MOST OF THE TIME WE FALL FOR THE WRONG GUY.
DONT WORRY THINGS WILL BE BETTER...JUST RELAX LET HIM SEE WHAT HE LOST. GOOD LUCK
Edited 5/10/2006 5:37 pm ET by jazz_meeh
He isn't protecting himself, nor is he afraid of getting hurt again. He simply dosn't love me anymore. He dosn't need time to realize what he lost - it is irrelevant to him and he just lost someone that he dosn't love anymore.
That is the knowledge that is breaking my heart.
how would you know that his not afraid or whatever it is? do you think he'll tell you the whole truth? i dont think he will ever admit that to you..coz it will lower his personality. so for him to feel good he rather tell you that his losing his feelings to you than admitting that his too coward to face his reality. actually stop depending him by saying that his not that...COZ THE TRUTH HE IS SELFISH...HE ONLY THINK OF HIMSELF!!!
anyways you dont deserve him...just move on..you have the right to be happy. GOOD LUCK