No contact not working for me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
No contact not working for me
12
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 8:27pm

6 weeks ago my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago I decided that I needed to try No contact and I broke off contacting him, and told him that I can not be friends with him right now because everytime we talk it breaks my heart. He said ok, that he will not bother me anymore and if I change my mind he will be there....

Two weeks later and I feel still as horrible as I did before. I feel as though my soul has been ripped in two, and that I have this uncontrollable emptiness inside of me. I have tried to go out with my friends at least once a weekend, and it doesn't help, I just sit there TRYING to have a good time and all I want to do is cry. There hasn't been a day that has gone by in the past two months that I haven't bawled uncontrollably. I feel like my soulmate has been ripped from me and that I am this empty shell of who I was, and that my friends see past my "cheery exterior" that I try to do when hanging out when inside I feel horrible. I know that alot of you will say/think "You don't need someone else to complete you/make you happy" etc. But I felt like he did...I felt and still feel like we are meant to be and it kills me that we aren't trying to work it out. I know that he needs to want it too and right now he doesn't and I am willing to put in the time, but right now it hurts so much. I am so depressed and all my strength goes into NOT contacting him, to text a "Hi" or today to im him "Happy Easter"...I thought that No contact would make me happier, that seeing the "X" on the calendar on each day that I don't talk to me would make me feel proud but it only makes me sader, that each day is a day more that he isn't in my life....God I miss him so much...And I am scared because I am going up to his town next weekend (We did LD relationship for months), and it has nothing to do with him, but I am so scared because I am so beaten by this. I dunno, I just needed to put this all down...I am so scared to even think about getting into another relationship...and I still feel like it I am cheating on him everytime I think about going out and meeting new guys, that I am giving up on believing that we will be together in time...I dunno...I just need him to hold me.

Any advice or words of comfort woud be greatly appreciated. I read the messages on here all the time and it's comforting to know that I am not as alone as I feel in how I feel. Good luck to all you out there too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:50pm
How do you break contact with someone you have to see at work? I have a PT job and have to see his face, and talk to him, whether I want to or not. I am trying to keep it on a professional level, but it is hard. I tried the not speaking thing and I felt miserable and he questioned why aren't I speaking to him. And when I do speak to him I feel miserable. Its going on 3 weeks since we ended our relationship and decided to be friends. But I still have so many unresolved issues with him, and I want to talk about them because I think it will ease my mind, prob is we had major communication issues before, but know I could care less and don't want to continue to bite my tongue. I just have so many questions in my head. It is really hard seeing him, and not being the way we were. I do the letters to myself directed toward him and it helps. But I don't know. I know this takes time, but nothing seems to work for me. I know this ques is confusing, but like I said, I really have a lot on my mind. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 12:20pm
i can't imagine what it would be like having to see him and talk to him everyday for work purposes. I would try to limit that interaction as much as possible. I do, however, know the torn feeling of him asking why I won't talk to him. The thing about guys is they can compartmentalize everything so even though he ripped your heart out and smashed it into a million little pieces he can't figure out why the two of you just can't talk. And I think "well if I keep talking to him it might remind him of what he's giving up" and "if i keep talking to him its just too painful and I end up crying and that seems to hurt him more". Its a vicious cycle. I'll go around and around all day in my head trying to figure it out. Right now I just want a break of trying to figure it out. I want to talk to him again but I don't have the need to seek him out because I don't know what to think anymore.
In your case, you will get to a point where its just too hectic trying to figure it all out and in that time you will just talk to him about work. no chit chat, no small talk, just say exactly what you need to say for work purposes. And when he says "why aren't you talking to me?" You'll be able to say "I am talking to you..." and go right on about work. Than when you want to try talking for talking sake, do it. My aunt said something to me this week that makes a lot of sense. "You'll know when you've had enough." When I first came on here and everyone was talking about no contact I couldn't do it than i was embarrased and felt like I was failing, I failed at the relationship and failed at the break-up but really it needed to happen at its own time. I needed to hear so many "I don't knows" for me to gather that I can go on NC and feel ok about it. Its like an addict, you have to do it when your ready or its not going to work.

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