No contact not working for me
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| Sun, 04-08-2007 - 8:27pm |
6 weeks ago my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago I decided that I needed to try No contact and I broke off contacting him, and told him that I can not be friends with him right now because everytime we talk it breaks my heart. He said ok, that he will not bother me anymore and if I change my mind he will be there....
Two weeks later and I feel still as horrible as I did before. I feel as though my soul has been ripped in two, and that I have this uncontrollable emptiness inside of me. I have tried to go out with my friends at least once a weekend, and it doesn't help, I just sit there TRYING to have a good time and all I want to do is cry. There hasn't been a day that has gone by in the past two months that I haven't bawled uncontrollably. I feel like my soulmate has been ripped from me and that I am this empty shell of who I was, and that my friends see past my "cheery exterior" that I try to do when hanging out when inside I feel horrible. I know that alot of you will say/think "You don't need someone else to complete you/make you happy" etc. But I felt like he did...I felt and still feel like we are meant to be and it kills me that we aren't trying to work it out. I know that he needs to want it too and right now he doesn't and I am willing to put in the time, but right now it hurts so much. I am so depressed and all my strength goes into NOT contacting him, to text a "Hi" or today to im him "Happy Easter"...I thought that No contact would make me happier, that seeing the "X" on the calendar on each day that I don't talk to me would make me feel proud but it only makes me sader, that each day is a day more that he isn't in my life....God I miss him so much...And I am scared because I am going up to his town next weekend (We did LD relationship for months), and it has nothing to do with him, but I am so scared because I am so beaten by this. I dunno, I just needed to put this all down...I am so scared to even think about getting into another relationship...and I still feel like it I am cheating on him everytime I think about going out and meeting new guys, that I am giving up on believing that we will be together in time...I dunno...I just need him to hold me.
Any advice or words of comfort woud be greatly appreciated. I read the messages on here all the time and it's comforting to know that I am not as alone as I feel in how I feel. Good luck to all you out there too.

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In your case, you will get to a point where its just too hectic trying to figure it all out and in that time you will just talk to him about work. no chit chat, no small talk, just say exactly what you need to say for work purposes. And when he says "why aren't you talking to me?" You'll be able to say "I am talking to you..." and go right on about work. Than when you want to try talking for talking sake, do it. My aunt said something to me this week that makes a lot of sense. "You'll know when you've had enough." When I first came on here and everyone was talking about no contact I couldn't do it than i was embarrased and felt like I was failing, I failed at the relationship and failed at the break-up but really it needed to happen at its own time. I needed to hear so many "I don't knows" for me to gather that I can go on NC and feel ok about it. Its like an addict, you have to do it when your ready or its not going to work.
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