no contact for over 5 mo & i blew it

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
no contact for over 5 mo & i blew it
4
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 1:23pm

arg ugh blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just want to scream!

So i called my stupid ex bf after 5 months of no contact. I'm not dating anyone else and i am super stressed about life in general. I am just about to finish my masters degree and i have no job prospects as of yet so im just stressed and hit a breaking point last week and called him (while drunk). I luckiliy wasnt totally crazy on the phone but he kept asking me if we could have lunch one day and i just don't know why he wants to see me. Like it makes me confused b/c im like does he like me again? And i'm like do i like him again? Its so annoying im just sucking myself back in. major relapse...

How should i handle this!?

Thanks for listening...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 1:49pm
Okay, you made it through 5 months. HOw do you feel? Do you feel like you've moved on? OR do you feel like you still have feelings for him? If you have moved on, then you could try working on a friendship with him. If not, continue with no contact and stick to it. Don't have lunch with him. But its up to you and how you feel. Maybe he just wants to have lunch to see how you are. Nothing more. I wouldn't read too much into it. I dont think he would re-like you after one phone call and vice versa. He probably is just happy you reached out after thinking you wouldn't talk to him again. So his persistance is probably just trying to get you back in his life in a form that doesn't involve a romantic relationship. So start thinking about your feelings and how you feel about him. If the feelings aren't there anymore... have lunch with the guy. But from the way you are thinking now (does he like me? do I like him?), its quite possible you aren't over it yet. Plus the drunk dial... you choose him to receive that call and not the 100+ people you probably have in your phone. So maybe its best you just let it be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:05pm

Yea, I guess I am not over it. My feelings are mostly of anger. I'm still angry about it all and mostly at him. I just want the anger to go away its like haunting me! Its so hard not having him in my life even tho he was a bad bf in the end. I just was SO in love with him for SO long (6 years). When we first broke up he kept saying i think we can be back together someday (not now) and it will be great. And i was like WHAT? NO. I'm not just going to wait around for you to decide what you want...i must move on and so i have tried. I have dated tons of people, I just don't like anyone else.

I guess I want to see him and see how I feel. I am also curious as to how he has felt being away from me for all these months. Truthfully I can't imagaine being in a romantic RL with him again but then its hard to accept that he is not in my life--at the end of those 5 months i just hit breaking point i was like I must call him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 4:15pm

Hi diva,


I think, until you let go of your anger, that seeing him won't help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 6:17pm

Thanks I probaly should not have seen him.

BUT I did see him and yes I have written many emails and letters concerning how mad i am and haven't sent them. I didn't blow up at him but I can't be my fun self either. I just get quiet mostly. It was totally elephant in the room situation at lunch! Too much to say...

I think because I am so stressed about my life and I have a tough summer of school and job searching ahead of me that listening to him talk about fun summer plans just makes me like sad about my own life. It's just a time I am going through I mean it will pass but it just wasn't a good time to see my ex bf doing well!

Of course he is nice to me and i just want to punch him and he tries to joke with me and i just want to punch him again. Thankfully he looks fat and like crap so I mean at least I am not physically attracted to him.

Anyways thanks for listening...back to no contactttt!!! Its so much better!