no contact sucks!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
no contact sucks!!!
20
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 3:24am
i know its what is best for me, but it is sooo hard!! i want to call him so bad. even though when i do, he doesn't pick up, return my texts, emails etc. he hasn't for a week now. so i know it wouldn't do any good to even try. so why do i want to so bad?? ah!! i keep feeling like maybe i will catch him off guard and he will pick up his phone and maybe finally explain things to me!! i need closure!! but i know that even if he did pick up, he wouldn't explain things, he never does! so why do i keep feeling like this? why do i obsessively want to call him???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 6:23am

hs_needshelp...

Simple answer from Pianoguy:

You don't want to believe that THERE'S NO FUTURE WHATSOEVER with this man! So you keep 'going around in circles' instead.

This type of fantasizing is foolish, but you seem to want to repeat the process over and over and over...?

Once you decide to focus on yourself, along with whatever it is you'd like to work for (a relationship with the right man, perhaps)...you'll no longer be DIZZY from all the spinning!

Closure you'll NEVER get. So ACCEPT THIS FACT and move on!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 8:15am
Unfortunately, sometimes you can't get closure. And even if you can get closure, sometimes you STILL want to contact them anyway. I'm not sure how long ago you guys broke up, but it does get easier with time. Try very hard not to contact him. He hasn't responded anyway, so that should tell you how he feels about the whole situation. And if that's how he feels, then you don't need him. That's what you have to keep telling yourself. If he has no respect for you and your feelings, then why would you want to be with him? You deserve so much better. Try to keep busy and if you feel like contacting him, call a friend or post on here and let someone know before you do it. They'll tell you not to and remind you why - maybe this will help. You can do it! Eventually you won't care anymore. It's true...the exact same thing happened to me....I never got closure.....but now I don't care anymore...I've moved on. You will too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 10:13am

My opinion is do not call him. Even if he answered his phone, you still wouldn't get closure. There will always be questions that you have that will never get answered.

If he isn't answering his phone, e-mail, or texts to you then it sounds like he just doesn't want to talk to you. That sounds harsh, but trust me it will help you in the end if you move on.

There will be some great guy out there who will see for who you are and will love you.

Trust me it will get better.

(((((HUGS)))))

~Amber~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 10:40am

Read your words over again, I think they'll do you good.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking/?msg=20392.8


No contact is the pits, but honestly in your case I think it's the right thing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 4:21am
i know, and in my head i dont want to talk to him, but in my heart i do! i feel myself caving.... aaargh!! i just miss him SOOO bad!! He was everything to me. i just miss him so much...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 11:06am

I don't know why we do this. I've done it- called someone over and over who has already made it clear he doesn't want me. I would call and scream and call him names and then demand that he (!) apoligize for having hurt me so badly. I told myself I wanted 'closure' so kept doing it until I realized I was never going to get it.

I realized that there was nothing he could say that would make me think: "Oh! So THATS why you stopped loving me - that's why you threw our lives together away! Gee thanks - now I feel great!". Anything he would have told me (never did get that closure) would have only shattered my already broken heart. And I hated what I'd become - I am sure he dreaded answering the phone and thought I was insane or unbalanced or something, which I wasn't and am not. And despite how agonizing it was to not hear his voice - even if the voice only told me things I didn't want to hear, it was still his voice - I started not liking myself very much. It didn't happen overnight, and it's so incredibly hard not to call him - I completely understand. Just try.

I'm getting better at keeping my dignity - today is day 6 and I haven't called my ex. I call my sister, or go for a walk or read a trashy novel instead. I'm working really hard to keep busy with things that make me happy and make me feel better about myself. But sometimes I check my email about 30 times a day and make sure the phone is always charged up. But he doesn't know that. I hope he wonders why I basically fell off the face of the earth - what kind of amazing, exciting life I'm living - and who the heck I'm living it with (heh heh)! I prefer the idea of him WONDERING how great my life is without him than KNOWING that I can't eat or sleep or stop crying some nights.

Be strong - it's hard - I know. But write us instead of calling next time maybe. That's what we're here for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 11:39am

Good one!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 1:10pm
hi oryx, good for you being so strong! Its day 10, ugh, I cant take it, but you keep up that strong attitude, and you already have a great outlook and are being strong and positive, I am TRYING, I thoght to contact him this morning, but I didn't, I cant, I know its wrong, especially now, he HAS to be wondering why his usual "will do anything to make me happy" weezieface is up to now and hasn't tried to contact HIM. I am staying strong, I am off to the beach with my two best friends, that always works for me when I can get them both together, alone without thier men.
Take care hang in there..
Louise
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 12:04am
Okay, two stories... I know someone who called their ex for 2 years almost everyday, sometimes 17 times. Left messages, cards, emails, im, texts... and it worked. They are back together. She just said if someone loves me that much then I guess they are worth a second chance and it is working.
My story, not so good. I love my ex soooo much. He was my best friend and we were inseperable. I would do anything to get him back. I want to call all the time, every minute. He lives with his mom though and she doesn't like me now. So I really have no choice. I try to call but she would just hang up on me, so when I call I try to call when she is not there. Sometimes I even call and hang up on her. We live in a small town and she has told people about me to emabarrass me. I don't care, I miss him so much-- it's kiling me. I called yesterday (and hung up on his mother). I felt much worse after because I was on week 2 of not calling him. I was even trying to reward myself for not calling him or telling myself something really good would happen if I didn't. That didn't work because I just annoyed myself. I don't want anything as much as I want him.
The only thing that helps remotely are reading and running. I give up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 1:42am
Ugh, I know, i am not strong at all. in any sense of the word. so i called him this morning and OF COURSE, i was right, he didn't answer the phone. and THEN, if that wasn't bad enough, later in the afternoon i texted him, which he also never replied to!! why am i doing this to myself? i can't even make it 10 days without calling?? i'm so pathetic!! what should i do??? i'm thinking about writing him a letter. maybe it will be less confronational and he will answer it? but then i think about how you guys said how you called and called for so-called closure that never comes, so i think, whats the point? but its just sooo hard!!! why do i still want this guy back with every fiber of my being? i mean, i shouldn't want somebody back who doesn't even f-ing call me!! AAARGH!!! i am so frustrated. with me, with him, with life in general!!! I HATE THIS!!!!

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