no contact sucks!!!
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no contact sucks!!!
| Fri, 06-30-2006 - 3:24am |
i know its what is best for me, but it is sooo hard!! i want to call him so bad. even though when i do, he doesn't pick up, return my texts, emails etc. he hasn't for a week now. so i know it wouldn't do any good to even try. so why do i want to so bad?? ah!! i keep feeling like maybe i will catch him off guard and he will pick up his phone and maybe finally explain things to me!! i need closure!! but i know that even if he did pick up, he wouldn't explain things, he never does! so why do i keep feeling like this? why do i obsessively want to call him???

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Yeah - I hate it too. I keep referring to this situation we're all in as 'sucking' and tried to think of a more descriptive word, but 'sucks' seems to fit so perfectly. This whole thing SUCKS!
Right now, my ex is online and has deleted the message next to his name on MSN that said 'So that's that I guess' and is now browsing the dating website where we met. I guess I AM that easily replaceable. Ouch.
So you called him. And texted him. And he didn't reply. What an a*s. How do we get mixed up with guys like this? (I really wish we all lived close to one another and could go for a drink and talk all night and b*tch and complain and be surrounded by people that really really understand.)
I'm not going to tell you all the things you already know: you need time, concentrate on yourself, don't call him blah blah blah. You already know all that and I so so SO understand who it's so so SO brutally hard to not want to contact someone who you have all these feelings for and who you want so much to be with again - if only for a moment. I remember how I used to hug my boyfriend and press my nose into his neck and just inhale him. I hate that I'll never be able to do that again. So far, I haven't called him. I'm not saying I never will, but in the meantime I'm posting an awful lot and trying to help other people with advice and compassion and trying to keep positive and stay strong. It's hard though - let's say it together: it sucks.
I remember having been ignored like it seems you are now. it's so awful. You have all these questions and your feelings get all mixed up in your head and you wonder if the rest of your life you'll be feeling this way and missing him and feel empty because he's not next to you. And so you call him (or text him) and he doesn't reply and you make these excuses for him like maybe he's really busy, or maybe he's crying so hard he didn't hear the phone or maybe he is out buying me a dozen roses and a diamond ring and left the phone in the car. I would always give him a few hours before I started freaking out because I wanted to believe so badly that he missed me too and loved me and still had all these 'feelings' for me. I hate to tell you, but no one ever showed up with roses and a ring.
There's no easy way out of this. None. I wish there was, because if there was, I'd be on the first train out of heartbreak-ville. And I'd drag you with me. But we just gotta get through it. Email me if you like - or just post here instead of calling him. I think I'll be on here a lot for the next few days (weeks?) and I think we should stick together in this.
L
Edited 7/2/2006 3:17 am ET by oryx72
Edited 7/2/2006 3:19 am ET by oryx72
So you've tried to contact him but he hasn't responded? Don't try too much, ok? It may make you feel bad. Dropping off the face of the earth after six years is totally uncool, to say the least.
The way my ex and I started no contact was kind of strange. We stayed in touch for four weeks after I left him. That entire time I had some hope we might get back together: we were talking every other day, emailing occasionally and we saw a therapist three times. But we weren't getting anywhere so I suggested we should just stop talking. He seemed unwilling to do this, so he suggested we keep in touch by email for a month. I agreed to it. That was 26 days ago, and neither of us has emailed the other.
In retrospect I think this is pretty characteristic of him. He just couldn't deal with saying a final good bye ... so he left things open. I still half expect to hear from him any day now ... and I may even contact him ... but I doubt that I will. I probably need to wait until the end of the summer at least.
So maybe you should give yourself a little more time? But whatever you do, please don't be hard on yourself. That just doesn't help.
Girl,
I am right there with you. After not having any of my questions answered for weeks I finally somehow convinced him to meet me last night and I pleaded for some explanations as to why he didn't want me anymore. I had always been the pursued one in our almost 2 year relationship and engagement. I always felt like he loved me more. Well the conversation was horrible. There aren't going to be any answers that are going to leave you feeling closure, at least not for me. When you are the dumpee and you weren't prepared for it - all I can imagine that will work is time. To actually hear the person verbalize an end to a part of your life and there's nothing you can do to save it is a virtual hell. My suggestion to you is stay strong and don't call. You are doing a great job and don't beat yourself up for not cutting it off the ways you might have wanted to. There are others out there who know exactly what you are going through.
Take care
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