No light at the end of this tunnel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
No light at the end of this tunnel
3
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 7:56pm

I am trying so hard. I am not looking at any websites and I haven't called him and I won't call him and even though I know I should have already put all his stuff away already, I didn't want to do it alone but I think I'm going to have to now. This is just too hard. I don't see myself getting out of this. I just don't know how I will ever think about another man in this way. And today, I have been thinking about how he was such a good and nice and warm person and how I am the one who lost him because I am not. I can't seem to pull myself out of this one. I've tried to call friends but I think they are all getting sick of me (I am on post-BU week 7). What do I do? How do you let things go? How do you stop your thoughts from consuming you?

Even if its not advice, just hearing from someone would be nice. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 12:29am

Are you journal writing your feelings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 7:04am

Swallens,

If I knew the answers I would surely give them to you. My ex left me a message last night saying that he'd thought things over for the past month and while initially he hoped we could reconcile eventually, he said he's felt "more free" than he has in a long time and is able to experience things that he hadn't in his life when he was with me. So now we're officially over. Forever. And I was holding out for that glimmer of hope. Let me just say, I am very sorry for my comment to you yesterday about at least knowing that it was over being better--it most certainly is not.

I wish you all the best as you try to pack up his things this weekend. I'm going to try to do that very thing, and I know it's going to be extremely difficult.

I would second Carrie's suggestion to journal however. I started doing that (bought a brand-new journal to make me *want* to write in it), and it's nice because it never gets tired of hearing me say the same old thing. Make sure to take some time to write some things in it about yourself. Affirming things about what a good and nice person you are--because you definitely have been to me, and I've never even met you in person.

Hope things are better for you today. ::hug::





Wess' Website

uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll





Edited 3/13/2008 9:18 am ET by uncommononsense
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 9:08am

You know how the more you try not to think of something, you naturally think about it even more? That's exactly what's happening with you. So it's okay to let the thoughts happen as they will, just don't dwell on them. Like Carrie said, write them out and get them out that way. That way you can "close the book" on them.

About your friends no longer having the patience to listen: That's actually a good thing and the reason why is because this will force you to speak only of other things with them, which will in turn help you to think about your ex and breakup less, but not in a forced way, in a natural way. Instead of being upset that they don't listen, be happy they give you another outlet for happiness and distraction. Every human has their emotional limit and they've just reached theirs. Eventually, you need to quit opening old wounds, picking at old scabs, and just let things heal. Not continually talking about your ex or your breakup with your friends will help create a happy, more positive environment with them *for* you.

I know, it sounds like that should be backwards, but no, it really works better this way.

Good luck,

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