no "spark"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
no "spark"
4
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:12am
I was in a relationship with a guy for two months. When we first met, things went great. We had such a great time together for about a month. Then when things started to settle down, a "spark" appeared to be missing. The strange thing is that we seemed to share alot of the same views on life. We got along just fine - he always told me I treated him well and I always felt like he fit my prototype of the guy I wanted. We never argued about anything. I'm not too affected emotionally by the break up because the both of us realized there was something wrong, but couldn't figure it out. I'm wondering if anyone has any insight. We had so much in common (views, interests etc) .. was it a case of familiarity breeds boredom? I don't understand how two people who shared so much in common can not have that "spark" in the relationship. It's confusing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:07pm
Hi Urbanite,

I wish I knew the answer to your question, but I don't. I DO think there is SOME sort of "spark" or "chemistry" that must occur between 2 people for a relationship to work. Will it last forever? No... not necessarily... but I think it's what differentiates "significant others" from being just "friends", or "roommates". As my counselor told me... just because 2 people are nice and get along, doesn't mean they are "right" for eachother.

Just be glad that you both recognized this after 2 months. In my case I stayed for 2 1/2 years & kept hoping that "spark" would appear... or thinking that maybe I was just expecting too much? I was honest with him from the beginning but when I decided to end the relationship it didn't make it any easier for him. He kept wanting to hold on to some hope that one day I would feel the same way he did.... in this case he thought there was a spark.... but the feeling wasn't mutual. It takes two!!

You'll find that "spark" you're looking for when the time is right......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:18pm
I think just some people are or aren’t meant to be. Now were you attracted to him, was he appealing to you? And if you wouldn’t mind me asking were you two intimate? Its clear that you are okay with the break up, and so I am assuming he is too, so it wasn’t something worth fighting for. Are you two friends now, because two people who have so much in common should definitely hang out, and develop a relationship. Remember everything happens for a reason and maybe he was meant to be a best friend, one whom you can do everything with, and hey who knows maybe you develop that spark over time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 6:28pm
Thanks for the response! We were both definitely attracted to each other, both physically and mentally, and we were intimate and affectionate, and enjoyed the companionship. But perhaps that was just it, companionship with sex? At one point I did think that we perhaps settled into a routine too quickly. We went from experiencing highs of first being together to almost like a married couple having dinner in front of the TV, in under a month. Alot of other factors probably came into play - the both of us are doctoral candidates who are very focused on our careers and we were just getting into the swing of things when the stresses of graduate school started again. We weren't able to be spontaneous anymore and I think it was that spontaneity and zest that first attracted us to each other. I don't know, it is confusing. It is unfortunate that we aren't dating anymore but maybe I can learn something from this experience!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:08pm
I'm not really sure what you mean by spark. What exactly is that? And why is it important exactly? It does sound like maybe you went too far too fast and sometimes when you do that it can lead to feelings of boredom. I just broke up with a guy I was involved with for 12 weeks, and it sort of was similar to you ... except in my case he actually didn't treat me very well.

Can you continue to be friends with this guy?