Not accepting it yet? Have you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Not accepting it yet? Have you?
1
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 1:13pm
Its been one month since we lived separately. I broke up with him on Friday night. He just was not making an effort and it was all on his terms which was turning me into a head case. What was making it worse for me is during that month I cried I barely ate I was just distraught(sp) over it. And I would go over he be laughing on the phone with his friend or watching TV laughing just completely fine about the situation. I would always leave wounded depressed. Because what i wanted to hear he wouldnt say which would make me cling even more. Im so glad I had enough pride to break it off. I trying to get my weight back on and have even gotten sick from stress that Im recovering from right now. My MAIN PROBLEM I want to believe he is doing the same thing as me hurting confused, going online looking up help stuff, talking about me to friends ect. It really hit home the other day when I read his Myspace and he basically sounded so happy our four yrs were over it was the "worst of his life" and now he can put it behind him hes so happy. He wrote about what he was looking for in a girl ect. I was crushed. As obviously he was already looking for a replacement. I'm glad I dont have to go over anymore and be faced with "this truth" as I was before when I go ove and pled for him to change his mind. But why cant I accept its over. That there was truth behind him telling me no marriage no spark not inlove anymore? I have this hope that I know will crush me evenutally. As Im sure I will run into him or something will occur in this small town that will prove the reality of it. I know I left him but it was one of those things where He was trying to get me to do the breaking up. So no he did not want this. I just wouldnt break it off. Today is the fourth the first in four years alone. Im so sad. I miss him but i know he didnt treat me right and I should not get back with him. BUt i still feel this yearning for him. If he would call me now to say hes sorry he wants me back I dont know honestly if i stay away. What is wrong with me. Why cant I accept that Im the only one hurting and he wanted this and so is moving on now with his life. This belief is doing more harm then good. I was thinking of looking up his myspace account so it hurts so I can just get it in my head that yes he is moving on and yes he is talking now to other girls. But Im not sure right now if that would do more damage then good. I STILL have to pick up my furnitre from his house and see him. I dont want to do it. I dont want to see him again. Since i know I am still in love w/him. I asked him if i could just get it one morning when hes at work. He said no "hes worried i will take something thats not mine." But seeing him is just going to open the wound again. I should just let him keep the stuff. I just cant accept this. This is our third break. The other two times he came running back. I think that is were the hope lies. But this time I know its serious. We lost our daughter if he felt anything he wouldnt want to walk away this time. Is there exercises or anything to get rid of this hope?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 11:45am
If you can, send a friend over to retrieve your furniture when he is there. It is better not to see him if you can. And try not to go on his myspace, that is not going to help you feel better at all. having no contact is the best; it will give you time to heal and move on. Be proud of yourself that you did what he couldn't - you didn't like the way you were being treated and instead of letting him hurt you over and over, you stood up for yourself and broke it off. You're probably right that he was trying to make you break up with him so he didn't have to be the bad guy. Some guys can be cowards like that. In time you will feel better, believe me. You just have to stay away from him, give yourself time to heal, and start your life again. But this time you won't be tied down to someone who doesn't appreciate you - you will be free to find someone who really cherishes you.