Not ANY better after 3 1/2 months HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
Not ANY better after 3 1/2 months HELP
4
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:21am
I am so thankful that I just found this board. My friends are so sick of listening to me.
My boyfriend broke up with me a little over 3 months ago. We were together for 3 years and lived together for 2. We were so happy. We got along great and were like 2 little love birds until the last month. He lost his job and turned into a different person. I went out of town to visit my dad. I talked to him on the phone and everything was fine. I came home that night and everything was fine. The next day, I went to work, and I came home from work and he said "I'm leaving. Do you want me to take my cat?" I was stunned. He picked up his cat and walked out the door. The next Saturday he called and said he would be over to pick up his belongings. He swore there wasn't another woman in his life. He said he decided while I was gone he didn't love me like he used to. He said he was moving to Calif. to find another job. I talked to him on the phone New Years Day. I just felt like I had to wish him Happy New Year. He was so cold on the phone. He said he wished me luck and that he still loved me but "not like he used to"
I have just been a wreck for the last 3 months. Every single thing reminds me of him. I just wish I could go through one day without thinking about him. His daughter called me and told me she misses me, and that her dad doesn't have another girlfriend,and she just doesnt' understand why we aren't together anymore. I don't understand either. I have never gone through this before . Ilost 2 husbands who died suddenly, and this is a million times more painful. They left because they died and had no choice. He left, basically never even discussed being unhappy, and snatched away my happiness in a flash.
How do you ever get over this. Everyone keeps telling me I have to grieve, but I don't have a clue how I will ever be the same. If anyone has any advice, please help me.
Thank you for listening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 12:46pm

daisylou822..


An indefinite period of mourning will only make you feel lousier than you already do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 3:49pm
Thanks for answering me. Do you have any idea how to move forward? I have been told everyone has their own amount of time it takes to grive. I am sick of feeling like this. It's not like I don't want to move on. I just don't know how. Everything in my house reminds me of him. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of what we did and how happy we were. I keep telling myself to stop it. Last night a friend told me I needed to try to stop stuffing my feelings. I really want to move on, but this has never happened to me before, and I just don't know how to help myself get over this. Any advice is very much appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 4:21pm
Everything? The first step is pictures of the both of you. If you haven't done so, take them down, look at them fondly for no more than a minute, and put them out of sight. Next, treat yourself to a little something and very inexpensive. It could be a vase, it could be a pillow for the couch. I don't know you so I don't know what you would like. It doesn't even have to be useful. Take your time and look around a lot until you find something you like. Not something he would like, in fact if you think he'd hate it but you absolutely adore it, then that's perfect. The key is inexpensive. No sense going poor, that's more stress you don't need. Now that you've got this trinket, put it out where you will see it often and display it proudly. Say "this is MINE". Even say it out loud if you have to. That object will be all yours, with all your memories attached to it. As for places you go, maybe vary the routes you take to get there? Now, I know its hard and I'm really no expert but this seemed like a good idea to me and there are probably more experts on this board but that's what I think. You hang in there and keep us posted. We're here for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 5:48pm

Thank you, that is a very good idea. I did put away all the pictures of him right away. I even threw away a little angel he bought me. ( I collect angels) I think buying something new for the house is a very good idea.


I live in a really small town, so that's why it's so easy to go everywhere where we went. I just try to keep telling myslelf "that's in the past, it's time to move on" I don't know what else to do. Today I went to the library and took out some self help books. Reading this board has been very helpful too. Thanks again.