not doing too good today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
not doing too good today
2
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:19pm

i'm feeling the total opposite today. yesterday, i felt in control and empowered. today, i feel down, i'm wondering why i still have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that feels like despair and that i am utterly alone in this ordeal. i would love to hear his voice or even see him, but i know it would only set me back after i felt better for the moment. in the end, i would just feel worse. so no contact still.

yet, i wonder if he even feels guilty for his actions? if he can't sleep like i can't sleep? i wake up around the same time every night and then i can't go back to sleep. does he think of me? probably not, he has his new interest, even though they aren't officially bf and gf, they will be eventually. all these things that are running through my head right now shouldn't be my concern, but today, i can't seem to turn it off. i can think of the numerous good times we had together but it doesn't help because i don't know the person he turned into- the backstabbing betraying liar. i don't know him. he stopped knowing who i was long before i knew it and it saddens me.

i keep thinking that i was only meant to be with him for 5 years and that he is meant to be with the new girl, even if i think she is a poor choice and couldn't take care of him if she tried. that if it's really meant to be, it will be. that everything to a degree is predetermined. there's some great sexy handsome intelligent funny guy out there that will find me when i'm ready for a new relationship. but i'm not going looking and i'm not hopping into a fresh relationship when i still love the old him. eventually, when i can sit with these feelings and accept them for what they are, just remnants of a past relationship, i'll be okay to start dating again.

it's my turn to focus on doing all the little things that i want to do- dance clases, losing weight, looking into mba programs, redecorating, reconnecting with old friends.... but sometimes it's hard.

i just need a kick in the butt today!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 1:39pm

yap maybe his dating other girl now but thats obviously a BIG REBOUND...guys in reality are like that they try to run away to there problem...they think dating some other chick could resolved there problem..

any how i know its hard....also ofcourse he still think of you...dont get me wrong i mean you guys been for 5yrs so i dont see any reason for him to take you out COMPLETELY that easy on his MEMORY...IT JUST HE DOESNT SHOW THAT...NOT LIKE US GIRL we are too emotional...i mean thats also the reason thats why we MOVE ON THAT EASY NOT LIKE THEM...IT WILL TAKE THEM SOMETIME....thats why for some reason...we already move on and they start calling us again cuz that day they JUST BARELY RECOGNIZED WHAT THEY LOST...

oky lets make this way yesterday me and my bf get to arguments....but actually we are a type of couple who rather hang the phone so we wont end up saying things that we both regret later or hurt each other..

he didn't contact me until 1:30am this morning....but for sure we both are calm already...he ask me if i did sleep...i said yes....he said he doesnt believed me....i'm assuming cuz maybe his been thinking of me...well actually i slept around 8:30pm last night...i woke up around 11pm...and i check my phone he haven't called me yet...i didn't get back to sleep until 12:30am....i guess cuz maybe his thinking of me so thats why i cant sleep....also maybe he couldn't go to sleep to without talking to me so he called me that late...

its so hard for guy to show their feelings for us....

just like my exbf...its been a yr now...guess what after 4mths of no contact..he just start calling me again and told me that he remembers me....but its too late...i'm about to fall inlove w/my new bf...

plus no way jose i'll go back in that kinda relationship....my bf now treated me nice and i'm crazy if a chose my ex...lol

also dear love always COMES UNEXPECTED....I TOTALLY FORGETTEN ABOUT MY EX JUST RECENTLY WHEN I MET MY NEW BF....ITS VERY UNEXPECTED TRUST ME!!! GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 2:21pm
Its ok to have a bad day. I have them too, Sunday in fact was a bad day. but you will have better days, tomorrow is another day. Take today to feel sad and think about tomorrow and tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just posted this morning on another thread and I was saying that I am the queen of this self-depreciating behavior ie. he doesn't even remember I exist, he's moved on completely, he'll think back to me someday and say "what was her name again....". Its not true. I can't say that he does think of me because honestly I don't know that but I know he hasn't completely wiped me out of his life and your ex hasn't wiped you out either. Not in this short amount of time. Mostly I feel that men like to not feel down and depressed and they just want to feel normal again so they find someone else to fill the void. It does not help them in their grief or their guilt. It just papers over the cracks. Girls will sit and stew in their depression and work it out.
So be sad. Its ok. I feel sometimes that the pain I have is the last thing I have from him so I'm reluctant to let that go. That's why I'll talk myself into feeling bad about it some days. I know its not the healthy thing to do or the smartest. I take it one day at a time.