Not even 24 Hours

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
Not even 24 Hours
2
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 9:54am

I broke up with him last night. He almost started crying. He called me and said he will miss me. I numbed my initial grief with a drink. I layed in bed imagining his arms around me and I could still feel the softness of his lips. He's a wonderful person and I want him in my life as a friend. There's a deep pit of sadness in my stomach right now, but I know it was the right thing to do. He's 40 and over the past 15 years has had 2 relationships, one with an 8 year gap. From now on I will consider that as a red flag. An older man that can't maintain a long healthy realtionship is not a good sign. I thought we were going to last. He told me last night that he was emotionally stuck.
He didn't know why he couldn't make me feel special. I didn't feel beautiful with him. I didn't feel "worshipped." I've never dated someone for so long that didn't act like I was the cat's meow. He said he didn't know why he can't do that for me, but he just can't right now. The beginning of our relationship was perfect. I suggested that it was me, I don't motivate him. I'm the wrong one. Maybe he's depressed, maybe he had his heart broken and is afraid of being hurt. He was with his last girlfriend for over a year and he revealed that he would do things to try to get her to break up with him. They fought every single day. I suggested that maybe that's why he was distant from me, he wanted to end it. He said no, that wasn't why. I can't sit around and wait for him to figure out his feelings for me. Our relationship had come to a hault.
I'd been feeling alone in this relationship for a couple of months now, and last night I couldn't take it anymore. We went downtown to an Art Gallery and there were all these chic nice looking women and I felt like I was standing there with a friend. I saw him look at some of those women and I realized that I would be okay if he went out with them, for his happiness. When this began I let it effect my self-worth, I thought there was something wrong with me. I'm not this enough, I'm not that enough, and I posted 9,000 forum topics on ivillage. Thanks to anyone whose given me some good advice.

Does anyone understand this "emotionally stuck" issue? I think he's not in tune with his inner self at all.




Edited 3/16/2007 10:02 am ET by whitelyon1981
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 11:46am

I am right with you. I found this board today and read your message and have a very similar story. I was friends w/ my fellow several years before we went out. He has never been married and but was in a long-term relationship (10 years)--hence, we were friends. He's also around the same age as your fellow. After us both knowing we were soul mates, his relationship ended on its own and we began to date but could not get past dating. We know each other really well and get along, have fun but he couldn't spend the night or plan a vacation. He said he was stuck and that he did not take the time to get over his other relationship like he initally planned on. He said he was going to get help. I was very supportive but I don't understand...why do things have to be so complicated?

I told him that I would not be his rebound girl and ended things the other night. It hurts too much to sit around and wait while he's figuring out his life and may come to the conclusion that he just doesn't care for me. It's not fair for him to drag me through this. The problem for me is that I'm so used to our friendship and being able to lean on him for advice, etc. I don't want anyone else and neither does he (so he says)but I'm so confused. He bought me something engraved that says "There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved" when we first started to date (only a few months ago) but now he is "stuck" and he doesn't know why.

Anyway, something to keep you busy--get a facial (that's what I'm doing today:)).

Is this bologna or is there really something to this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 12:23pm
I'm thinking a pedicure.