Not exactly new..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Not exactly new..
2
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 12:52pm

I have finally found the perfect message board. My story is complicated and I am sure you will see that I am very foolish in this whole situation.

First let me start off by saying that I am almost 16 years old and I have had my very first heartbreak. When I was 13, my parents got a divorce and my older sister was the main focus, as usual because her personality is just more out there. I was feeling pretty lonely but I didn't know it back then. Then I met this guy. My best friend's older brother's best friend. (Basically my best friend's brother, he was over there CONSTANTLY). He was 16 but he actually listened to me!! It felt so good to be understood and just have someone to talk to. I have always been mature for my age so the age difference didn't really bother me. For about 7 months, the talking was only online and through text message because we were both VERY shy. But when I would go to my friends house it was always fun to see each other even though we were shy. It was a rush. By March, we started seeing each other and hanging out with my older sister and his friends. It was SO cool to be hanging out with the older guys. Especially since they are in a popular band that is well known around my area. My best friend was NOT happy about this relationship. But I ignored that because this guy made me so happy. He filled the void.

In april, we shared our first kiss which was the first for both of us. I was happy that I met someone with the same morals as I. He wasn't experienced and I liked that so much. From the kiss, things eventually escalated. He was ALWAYS busy with the band and his friends and he would never make time to see me. I was always crying and we were constantly fighting about him treating me right. The only time we didn't seem to be fighting was when we were physically doing things. He lives about 20 miles from me and he would only agree to pick me up on a Saturday when he was on his way home from his friends house and then we would go to his house. He would take me home, and then most of the time go back to his friend's house. I admit, I was jealous. While he told me he loved me and he knew I was "the one" he didn't act like it. We never really went on a real date. In the 2 years of our relationship he only spent 30 dollars on me. And the time we spent together was limited.

One day I discovered that he was drinking and smoking pot, something that I always admired that he didn't do, even though his friends did it. It broke my heart. How could he lie? Well I confronted him about it and I heard him cry for the first time ever. He said he was so sorry and he would NEVER do it again. He promised my life on it. Of course, later I found out he was doing it again. Finally my parents intervened. After I told my mom that there were some not so modest pictures exchanged over the internet, (I feel very ashamed about that) they went over to his house to talk to his parents, tell him to delete the pictures, and to tell him to leave me alone. I was devestated. They even threatened that since he was 18 they could press charges. All summer was miserable. I talked to him a couple times, and my parents knew. I guess they let me because they were tired of me whining.

He is away at college now, and I am a sophmore in high school. I have lost 2 years of my life to him. It has been miserable. For some reason I can't let go. I picture him partying and it makes me sick to my stomach. He comes home on the weekends and since my friends are friends with the girl that is the "little sister" to my ex, I still hear about him. But I have come to see that it is mainly with me. I am so worried about never finding anyone else. My self esteem is SO low. My friends are tired of hearing about my ex. I feel like I am nothing without him. It has been 4 weeks since we have talked. But I still want to so badly.

I feel so low, and like I have nothing left. I miss him so much but I know he has changed and that hurts so bad to know. I am now a very hateful person. My family is so tired of my attitude. I try to change it but sometimes I just snap. I am so depressed and the medication I am on doesn't seem like it's helping. Does anyone have any advice? I feel embarassed that I sound so pathetic, but after all, this is how I am. How do I pull it together and be the happy, sweet, smart, and funny young lady again... without him?




Edited 11/12/2006 9:05 pm ET by im_inovermyhead
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 11:39pm

I'm not goign to insult your intelligence or your feeligns by saying, "You're young and

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 4:54pm

I do want to start by saying you WILL find another love (many considering how old you are) and it is very painful to lose your first love. I am a 40 something single mom and I lost my first love at 17 and I really thought the world was going to end but it didn't and I moved on and loved again and again and again. When we are in our teens and fall in love for the first time, we don't have the mental maturity to handle things when things fall apart. Sounds like your ex has a lot of growing up to do and most guys at his age do heck even guys at my age still do. My ex was a 40 year old grandpa and the dude still has a ton of growing up to do and I am so thankful to be away from that loser. Your high school years are going to be filled with a lot of ups and downs and you are going to learn from them so take this time to hang with your friends and do not contact him. I know one day my daughter is going to come to me with her heart broken by her first love and I am going to tell her what I just said to you.

Take Care.