not in love with me
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not in love with me
| Wed, 09-26-2007 - 4:48pm |
I hope all of you wonderful people out there can help me get through this.
My boyfriend and I (both age 29) have been going out for almost 10 months.

Welcome to the board neverlovesback,
Sorry you are going through this.
Hi neverlovesback,
On the one hand, it's "good" to know now, before you got even more attached, on the other hand, doesn't it just suck.
I'll get to it in a bit about not always listening to your girlfriends when it comes to your own relationship because honestly, no one has it right, ok? The relationship talk is not absolutely necessary, although some people will disagree with that. I wonder how many of those are in actual, happy, satisfying, long-term relationships and how many are just watching from the sidelines?
Anyway....
That being said, some people know right away, and some people take longer, and some people require a kick in the pants in the form of no contact in order to get their act, mind and heart all looking in the same direction.
He hasn't called because he feels like a jerk and thinks you're (rightfully) upset with him. Guys avoid direct confrontation with women at almost all cots. If he called you right this second and said anything less than, "I'm an idiot, please forgive me," would that be enough for you? I'm thinking in your current condition, no. So give yourself a few days and him a few days to all cool down and see if you can't talk this out then. Be open to listening to his side of things, even if they don't necessarily agree with yours. Just like you, he's entitled to think about relationships in any way that works best for him. And it's your right to disagree with that and go on about your way. Secret: When one person feels heard and yet unjudged in a relationship/friendship/etc., even if they were previously distant, they are more apt to feel as though they'd like to explore that relationship some more, becuase it's safe and free at the same time.
About not always listening to your girlfriends: Unless you know for a fact that a person's capacity to create amazing relationships is very high, be very careful who you get your input from and how much you allow it to influence you. You cannot be too sure of anyone's agenda for themselves and for you. You are not in a relationship to please your friends, you are in a relationship to please yourself and your partner. That is going to look shockingly different from one person and couple to the next. Learn to listen to your own gut on things, learn to trust your own instincts and judgement, otherwise, your life and your relationships will be at the whim and mercy of whatever someone else is feeling at the moment.
Good luck to you, be good to yourself,
Hi Sandradee,
I have a question for you. Did you feel loved? Because that's all that matters. My boyfriend told me that he loves me after almost a year. And yes...I had those friends too but I did not listen to them. So words do not always guarantee real emotions behind them. I agree with the comment that he probably feels like a jerk and that's the reason he does not call. Plus...as I learned...if you leave you have to come back. That's how it works for guys. In his eyes you were the one who stormed out the door, so you are the one who needs to know on that door again. BUT...it does not mean that's something you should. In your situation I would have probably done the same thing. But just because he has not fallen in love with you it does not mean that he never will. He is/was with you for a reason. Remember that. Give him a couple of days. I've learned that patience is the best politics. If you do not get a phone call after two weeks, I do not think that he is worth to wait for. You should not contact him. I know I know...it is easy said than done but trust me it works.
You said he treated you well. Maybe he is just a type of guy who doesn't not fall in love easily or got burned before. Good luck! I hope he comes around.
Hi keyureee,
At first I was confused by your post to me, but then I saw it's really directed to the OP, neverlovesback. :) But, to answer your question, I always felt loved by my ex-boyfriend. Actually, to tell the truth, I still feel loved by him, go figure :)
Hopefully, neverlovesback answers your questions :)
Hi, keyuree1.
Did I ever feel loved?