Not Right For Each Other Anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Not Right For Each Other Anymore
2
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:56am

Well, where do I begin?
Matthew and I met online a few years ago. I never thought of him as a possible boyfriend because heck,I was only 18 and I had a lot going on in my life. On top of that I was living abroad at the time and he was getting ready to deploy to Kuwait. Months passed and we lost touch then one day I got an e-mail from him asking me where I had been... Things took off from there. We met in person 2 years ago and a few months later I moved to Texas to be with him. He proposed. I was blown away.
Things didn't work out the first time because I was very immature and we went through a very nasty breakup.
The internet managed to reunite us a little over a year ago. We decided to give it a chance and find out if we were meant to be or not. Apparently we are not.
We are too different. I've always wanted to settle down back home in Massachusetts but he wants to stay here. I am not happy living in a small town in the middle of nowhere in West Texas. There isn't a lot of opportunities down here and I like the city. I love New England. He said he can't move there because he would have a lot to lose. I ask him why not take a chance? He said he can't because he doesn't know what would happen once we moved. We act and think different about important things in a relationship. I am so spontaneous and I think life is too short. Go out, do what you want to do and don't be afraid to try. We get along fine but it's just not enough. The passion isn't there anymore. I am not ready to give up on my dream of going back north and he doesn't want to give up on his things because of me. Are we being selfish?
The breakup was a mutual decision but it still hurts a lot. He's my best friend, he knows me better than most people. I love him SO much but I know we aren't right for each other anymore. Working things out isn't an option at this point.
I feel kind of lost without him but I know I can make it on my own - I have before. So here I am. We went through so much together. So many good memories.
Now I have to start from ground zero. I am going to move back to Boston and try to make it on my own at 21... It's going to be painful living without someone I really care about and wanted to share my life with but I know I will make it. My eyes are teary now. Just writing this makes my heart ache.

Edited 3/24/2006 10:02 am ET by redsoxgirl84




Edited 3/24/2006 10:03 am ET by redsoxgirl84
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:38am

I know how painful and sad it is for you, but don't think of it as 'trying to make it on your own.' You're 21 -- you have your whole life ahead of you. You will fall in love several times over the course of your life. You will meet a lot of people and have a lot of opportunities and it all begins NOW. You get a fresh start, away from the painful memories of places you shared with your ex. And you deserve someone that ignites that spark in you. A life without passion is a very sad one.

I know it's scary, but sometimes you just have to take that leap. Every single time in my life that I've been scared of something, I ended up looking back and realizing it was one of the best things I ever did. Somehow that safety net always appears when you need it.

Steph
http://www.myspace.com/stephfaris

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 12:30pm
I cry every once in a while. I am staying with him til I can move in a few weeks and seeing him everyday makes it more painful. It's horrible.