not sure how to feel right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
not sure how to feel right now
5
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:42pm
Hi. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 and a half years a couple of days ago. It has been a long time comming I think. You see, for the last 3 years he has been going online and looking at shemale porn and looking to find people online. He claimed that he just did it because he was bored. I am very angry at him. I feel like he has lied to me for no reason for so long. I have never done anything to betray him. He is such a jerk! But wait! It gets better! We currently live together. He has been sleeping on the couch since we broke up. And we just had a conversation yesterday about how he really wants us to be friends. I said ok, but now I'm thinking that it's not such a good idea. I do not think that I can handle it. I am so consumed with anger, hurt, and sadness right now. And ever since we broke up he goes out after work and has stayed out until 4 in the morning. I just can not believe that after everything we have been through together (and there has been some really HEAVY stuff) that I would be treated so poorly. I called him today (he is at work) to ask when he would be home because I wanted to talk to him for a minute tonight. I had to leave a message. I plan on telling him that we can't be friends. It hurts too much and I need him to move out ASAP. I don't know what I'm doing. I do but, it's so hard. I know that my thoughts are scattered all over this post and I apologize. I am just so messed up by this. It's weird too because my friend is going to introduce my to a guy she knows that sounds very nice. I am somewhat excited about that because my relationship has been "really over" for a while, ya know what I mean? I guess I just don't know how to feel about everything right now. I wish I just did not care like he doesn't. If I could get some feedback and words of advice I would appreciate it. I am just so sad and hurt. It feels as if everytime I see him he craps all over me. I feel so pathetic!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 1:52pm

hi studygirl25

dont do things that your not sured! if you love this guy talk to him. i do understand that you feel betrayed. about his online habits you mention it been 3yrs right? my question is why now? it been so long that you know that his been doing that. you should stop his before. i mean theres nothing wrong if he goes online as long his not doing anything BAD behind your back.

FOR ME AS FRIENDLY ADVISED DONT DO THINGS THAT LATER YOU REGRET...AS LONG YOUR TOGETHER IN THE HOUSE TALK TO HIM..I'M ASSUMING IF THIS GUY LOVES YOU HIS WILLING TO WORK EVERYTHING WITH YOU.

ABOUT HIM BEING OUT AFTER WORK. HIS DOING THIS FOR YOU TO GET YOU JEALOUS AND FOR YOU TO GET SCARED AND LATER YOU BEG HIM TO FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP. "GUYS ARE GUYS"

LIKE YOU MENTION YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM RIGHT..TELL HIM THE TRUTH THAT YOU DONT WANT TO WASTE THE TIME THAT YOU GUYS BEEN TOGETHER. JUST SAY SOMETHING THAT MAKES HIM GUILTY. RELAX WHILE YOUR TALKING TO HIM, SHOW HIM YOU ARE SERIOUS AND GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.

WELL GOOD LUCK!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 2:19pm

That must be so hard to have him there when you are broken up. I would suggest that you give him a deadline for moving out (no more than a couple weeks), and if at all possible, go stay with a friend or family member in the meantime (at least for some of the nights until the deadline). If he doesn't move by the deadline you set, then you need to take action, like changing the locks. I know that seems extreme, but until he moves out, you can't start the healing process.

I'd also advise holding off on meeting your friend's friend. Wait at least until your ex has moved out, and I'd even advise waiting a while longer (even though I understand what you're saying about it having been over for a while, you still need time to process it for real...you don't get over a relationship that long overnight).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 4:20pm
why now you ask? because I have had enough. We have had the issues arise time after time. I feel like it's another lie if I continue this relationship. It's almost like I need to deciede what hurts more, to continue being with someone who always does things that hurt me or end the relationship. I know in my heart that if I allow this to continue I will never have the relationship I want and I know that I deserve. I hope I have given you a little more insight to my twisted drama. And thank you for your thoughts. I really do apperciate them!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 4:23pm
Thank you for your support and thoughts. This is why I posted. It's very encouraging to know that there are poeple out there who care. It's just what I need right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 5:55pm

DO WHATEVER YOU THINK IS RIGHT FOR YOU. I'M JUST CONCERNED THAT YOU MIGHT REGRET THAT LATER COZ SOMETIMES WHEN WERE MAD WE DO THINGS THAT WERE NOT MEANT TO DO IT.

BUT EVERYTHING IS STILL YOUR DECISION. IF THIS GUY NOT WILLING TO CHANGE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR "LOVE"...THERES NO POINT TO STAY ANYWAYS!

YOUR THE ONLY PERSON COULD FEEL IF THIS GUY LOVES YOU OR HIS JUST MESSING AROUND!

I REALLY WISH YOU GOOD LUCK. I HOPE WHATEVER DESICION YOU MAKE IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU!