Not sure how to handle this

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Not sure how to handle this
5
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 2:52pm
Almost a month ago my ex brok up with me and we had not been in contact since. On Saturday afternoon a received 5 text messages from him saying he wanted to talk but wasn't sure he should be trying to get in touch with me but wasn't about to pretend that he had too much pride to contact me, his texted said he had also sent me an email and wanted me to get in touch with him but would understand if I didn't becuase he doesn't expect me to care about how he feels. After that I checked the email and decide it wasn't enough and I did not call/email or text him back. Sunday afternoon I got more text messages from him asking if we could please talk that he was all messed up and confused and had a million questions, nothing makes sense anymore blah blah blah. I have to admit I was happy/curious/a bit pissed off, he broke up with me, what questions does he have? what is he so confused about? So I called him. We talked for about an hour and a half ad it was a good talk, we talked some of the things that went wrong, about what we have been up to and then he said that he thinks he made a mistake and wanted to know if what he did was ireversable. I said nothing was ireversable but I wasn't sure because lots needed to be dicussed and I wanted him to be sure. Long story short he said he wants to try to work things out but that we should take things slow, he just wanted to make sure it was ok if we talked and if he could take me out sometime, he ended the conversation saying he would call me, this was sunday and he called me on tuesday, there were also a few emails and texts in between but nothing serious. On Tuesday we had a great conversation and things felt normal and he asked if I wanted to get together this weekend, I said yes, I have plans not sure on what night but we would try to figure something out. I'm new at all this I have never given anyone a second chance before in my life but we really did have a great relationship and I always knew/hoped it was worth saving. Obviously I'm scared because I don't want to get hurt all over agin, my question is, when we got off the phone tuesday we didn't really say who woud call who like we did on sunday, my question is if we are trying to work things out but taking things slow, is it ok for me to call him as well? I don't even know why i'm asking this but I just don't want to be needy and I don't want to put any pressure on us either. Since he broke up with me should I be leaving it up to him to intiate the contact or is this a two way street?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 3:02pm

What were the reasons for the break-up in the first place??

And he is the one who got in contact with you about getting back together. He needs to earn back your trust so let him do all the heavy lifting, i.e. calling, asking for dates, all the chasing. If you want to give him a second chance you have to start from scratch--it's not good to jump back to where you were before you broke up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 3:53pm
He broke up with me because he though things weren't progressing and he thought I wasn't doing enough to make the changes in my life that I want to change. He admited that he over reacted and should have been more patient and also appologized for some of the things that he said while ending it, it wasn't pleasant but I knew he was being irrational and none of the things he had said made any sense anyways and they were not true either, he can be stubborn and he admitted to that being a factor as well. I believe he is sorry and I believe that he has realized what he did and what it almost cost him and although i don't expect him to change I do think he will be more careful and exercise some patience in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 4:25pm

Hi. I'm a guy trying to win back my ex and I believe you should not call him or text him or contact him. I'm not saying be rude and don't return his calls but simply let him take the initiative and prove himself. Men, whether they realize it or not, prefer to be in this role anyway. Be cautiously receptive to him but and subtley encouraging but don't pursue him or fall back into relationship mode right away... don't let him believe that he can easily have you back anytime he wants.

I hope it works out the way you truly want it to!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 4:51pm
I appreciate your opinion especially coming from a guy and believe me I agree with you but I guess the reason I'm confused is because we didn't say who would contact who next like he made it clear on Sunday that he would call me. He has already made made all the contact and he took a big step to ask me if I wanted to get together over the weekend, I just don't want to seem like I'm not being receptive. When he asked if we could go out, I said I had plans but was not sure when. I think he is now waiting for me to let him know when I'm free but i'm not sure and don't want to seem needy. If you asked your ex out and she said yes but it hasn't been confirmed yet, wouldn't you want her to call you when she knew her plans?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 5:07pm
Sit tight and let him make the plans. If the weekend passes and nothing comes to be then he wasn't serious in the first place... and/or if he's so easily discouraged he's not serious and his efforts aren't worth you setting yourself up for another break up. I'm trying to get my ex back with every ounce my being and, to me, "I had plans but was not sure when" would be red carpet to a date!!!