Not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Not sure what to do
8
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 1:01pm
I decided to take a "break" from my boyfriend of a year because his third drunken angry outburst over the weekend. Before this weekend everything was great. We put an offer on a house to buy together, we had nice dinners together, laughed all the time. His one problem is a few times he's gotten really drunk and gotten angry and violent. Not at me, but at the hotel room, my house, his house. He is totally heart broken that I finally said, enough is enough adn he is seeing a therapist and quit drinking. IT's only been a week though adn I am afraid that if I take him back that one day he will lash out again and what if we have kids or he trashes our house. Its really sad because our families are friends. Our friends are friends. We love each other. I just dont' knwo what to do...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:12pm

Hi kenai2007 and welcome to the board.


Let him do his no drinking and therapy for at least 3 months alone, then if you two work it out, go to counseling with him to discuss your very valid fears for the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:24pm
thank you so much for your input. i do agree. i'm wondering where you got three months from though? just curious if it was from you or a book or therapist?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:27pm
PS. Should I not call him or text him? It's nice to keep some contact but I won't if it will interfere with his therapy and recovery.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:28pm
Three months was my 'feeling'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:30pm
he is going once a week. he started yesterday though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:30pm

How did you leave it with him when you told him you had 'enough'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 2:33pm
I told him we are on a break because i'm not sure if I can take him back because he lost my trust. He promised he would never lose it like that again and then he did. He also got a dui this weekend when he lost it and he'll be dealing with that for the next few months. We've text'd every day just once or twice to say hi but he's respecting that I need space from him because he really dissapointed me and I feel betrayed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 3:02pm
You will have to work through the betrayal feelings in counseling. Maybe you can start now so when you are both ready you can have a few sessions together too.