not sure what to do anymore
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| Mon, 04-02-2007 - 11:04am |
hi everyone. i have been trying to do no contact and my ex and i have been broken up since 3/16/07. he originally wanted to do a 30 day break, but then decided that i couldn't handle one and said instead that he "loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore, wasn't attracted to me anymore."
i did 4 days no contact successfully, but then fell off the wagon hardcore last week.
he invited me to hang out yesterday and i went, not expecting his feelings to change, but with no expectations except to just spend some time with him as a friend.
we went out to lunch and a movie, everything was dutch. i ended up staying over, but everything was very chaste, the only thing that happened was holding hands and a quick peck on the cheek.
he even went as far as to ask if i wanted to have dinner tonight and stay over to watch our favorite show's finale (Prisonbreak).
i am incredibly confused. i want to be friends but also know that i still want to be with him, when i should really drop everything and run the opposite direction.
am i letting myself be strung along?
i know it is wrong for me to go over tonight because i am hurting myself even more because i haven't lost my feelings for him yet. but i want to go back over after work because i miss the physicality, just being near him and having cuddles. he obviously doesn't call me of his own accord. he invites me over after i call him first.
please help.

Hi there
Your ex may think hes helping you by inviting you out and remaining on friendly terms but he knows your feelings for him and what he is doing isnt really fair. However tempted you are to spend time with him, you are only setting yourself up for more hurt.
If he has made it perfectly clear he no longer wants a relationship with you, you must distance yourself from him and restart NC. Tell him you are doing this and that he needs to respect your wishes. Once you have done the healing, then it is up to you if you wish to maintain a fullfilling friendship.
Good luck x
ccheckers,
It's really easy to fall back into the pattern of hanging out, having sex, acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, because not only do you still have feelings for him, but the attraction is still there.
You will have to be the one to enforce NO CONTACT, if you are going to move forward.
i just wanted to post an update....
i ended up going and staying over his place last night. again, i had no expectations, but when i left for work this morning, i felt okay. not happy, but not sad.
we had a mini-spat about how he doesn't do the things he said he wanted to do as an independent free person, because he asked me to fix the computer for him. i threw it back in his face that it was his computer now, so he should try and update the anti-virus software. i wanted to leave, but he said, don't do this and gave me cuddles. we talked for a little bit. we ate dinner and he wanted me to run an errand with him because he was tiffed i didn't call him to ask if he needed anything at target during my lunch hour. i told him i didn't contact him because he said he didn't want me to call him while we were at work and then said if you really needed this stuff, you could've gone during your lunch hour.
i said i love you and got no response when i left this morning. i asked if we could hang out this weekend and got no response again.
overall, everything is done on his terms and i know i need to stay away. i keep harboring a hope of reconcilation in the future, but i know i need to do what he even mentioned, be independent and not dwell on this situation so much. i'm not worried he is cheating because i know he is mostly at home or with the guys.
Stop offering yourself to him either with your time, your attention, your presence, your declarations of love, your anger. Just stop. He'll never have to change as long as you're right there anyway no matter how he acts towards you.
Good luck,
~~.: Sandra :.~~
CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Hi ccheckers,
My advice echos Sandra's.