Not sure what I should be thinking..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Not sure what I should be thinking..
6
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 11:45am

Hey guys, I am new to the boards...your advice is much appreciated.

My ex and I were together for about 1.5 years...I recently broke up with him because we were fighting constantly...I did my share of bad things, he did his share..the point is, it wasn't working out. While in the relationship there were so many times I just wanted 'out' and I couldn't stand him, but at the same time we both constantly talked about spending our lives together. When we first met, he fell head over heels for me, and he is also a few years older than I am, and has never entertained the idea of marriage before I came along. We are taking space now, but he is at a point where he wants all or nothing pretty much. If we get back together, he wants a solid commitment along with marriage in the future.

I guess the real issue is that since we've taken space I've missed him terribly and I am at the point where I feel like no one can love me or know me like he does, is he a very intense person and I don't think I've ever been in a relationship with someone quite like him, so a part of me feels that if I let go of this opportunity I will be making a big mistake. However, another part of me feels like the reason I am feeling sad etc. is just because of the the distance, there obviously have been times where I wanted out of the relationship, so why so I feel like running back now, especially if I was the one who ended it?

Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 1:16pm

Fear.


You're afraid that if you let him go, you may never have another relationship.

    
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 1:36pm

Cutiekitty has a point about taking time to figure out what you really want. Also, I would suggest dating a couple of guys to see if you are able to have feelings for someone else or if all you do is wish you were with your ex. If you find that you still miss him then call him up and see if he is willing to give it another shot.

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 2:15pm
Thanks guys i appreciate it...I have had other prosepects, but I am not really interested at the moment. I know I love Jeff, he has been a significant part of my life for almost 5 years now (we were good friends before we dated), and since he is ready for a family etc. I feel bad for making him wait. I know i want the same things too, but not right now. I know i can see myself with him in the future, if we can work out all of our problems..but if he isn't willing to wait, doesn't that tell me something? He pretty much claims that he has been waiting since we've started dating, and that he is tired of waiting around for me to make up my mind. It is just a hard situation..
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 3:41pm
While he wants you to come back and make a solid committment, what about the 'problems'? Does he have a plan for addressing them? Is counseling an option?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 4:40pm
we have constantly tried addressing our problems, and coming up with solutions-however, we never stick to our word, and one false word creates more chaos and the whole solution falls apart. He has suggested couples counseling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 4:43pm
Are you willing to go?


Carrie