Not sure what to say to him anymore...
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 07-03-2007 - 11:28pm |
Hi all,
This is my first post here, but I'm hoping you'll be able to provide some much needed insight/advice. (It's a long story, so please bear with me!)
I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years last December, for a number of reasons. Up until that point, we were both living in Boston (though not under the same roof) and I can honestly say we were very happy together. The major problem we had was external: I'm Filipino, and my parents were completely against my being in a relationship with an American... Archaic, I know, but any Asians out there know how some 'old school' parents can be when it comes to 'dating outside the race.'
Since my family lives in the Philippines and I was all the way in Boston, I suppose it was easy for me to ignore their sentiments. I always reassured my boyfriend that everything would work out in the end, but I'm ashamed to say that a part of me was never completely sure. I loved him--there was no doubt about that--but if it came down to a choice between him and my family...? He did his best to be supportive and understanding, but I think the cultural differences made it hard for him to really know what I was going through. That was partly my fault, too, because I let him believe I could fix everything, and he eventually began relying on me to smooth things out whenever my parents would come visit.
The time for that 'choice' finally came last December, when my father told me it was time for me to return home and help with the family business. Again, this all probably sounds like something that would happen in the Middle Ages, but this is how things work in my family. And honestly, I had spent so much time away from them (since 1997, really), that I too felt it was time. I discussed this with my boyfriend, and we came to the conclusion (at least, I thought we did) that it would be best for us to break up. I had no idea if I would be returning to the US anytime in the near future, and although he offered to wait for me, I didn't feel it was fair to have him do that. I'm not the sort of person who can handle being 'on a break' or 'cooling off.' I need to know from the beginning if it's over, so that I can start moving on with my life.
So we broke up, and I've been in the Philippines since last December. We haven't had much contact since I last emailed him in March, but I did email him a short note on his birthday last June, just to wish him well. He sent back a looong email, saying that he had been thinking more about our breakup, and could no longer understand why I decided to 'throw away what we had.' From what I understood from his email, he seems most distraught about our lack of contact...which I thought was necessary in order for us to recover. I haven't emailed him back, and I really am not sure if I should. He says he can never move on, that he'll never be happy with anyone else but me. (He's 28, but I was his first long-term girlfriend.) I know that isn't true, but at this point, I don't know what else to say to him other than "I want you to move on, because I already have."
I feel like a jerk for hurting him, so go ahead and start throwing rotten vegetables my way :( Any thoughts?
Cheers,
Ria
| Wed, 07-04-2007 - 6:34pm |
