Nothing new here
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:35am |
My 6-year relationship has had a slow, agonizing end. Just three weeks ago, he was asking me to come over for the night. And tonight, he tells me that he has met someone and will be having a baby soon! He is 49 and he has never gotten over the fact that he hasn't had children. He now wants no further contact with me, which is good because that is what I should have been doing for quite a while, but HOW, HOW, HOW can he just move on like that after 6 years?
I know that is the million-dollar question on these boards and that is what causes so much excruciating pain and confusion. And I know part of the answer is he started moving on months ago and I couldn't and didn't want to accept it.
But you all are so right, this pain is so unbearable right now. All I can think about is my guy is with another woman and they are having a baby! And she doesn't know him from Adam! I know the only way out of this pain is THROUGH it, so I will take that path. And I also know NO CONTACT is the only way I can keep the pain from getting worse. And I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the situation; that is the ACCEPTANCE. But how do you accept that fact that someone else is in your lover's arms?
I just pray for this all to pass quickly. Please keep me in your prayers and hugs! As you all know, the pain at first is....well, there is no word for it. Maybe like a kidney stone to the heart. I will keep you all in my prayers, too.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that...how dreadfully painful that news must have been!
I have some idea of what you're going through...my c-phobic ex from years ago *moved in* with another woman *two weeks* after we ended our 4 year relationship (we lived together for 3). That pain was unbearable, and to add a pregnancy to that...oh, I'm sorry.
But I did get through it. It took *3 years*, unfortunately, but that's because I allowed him to keep in contact with me (I didn't know about the whole no contact concept then). But once I cut off contact (for about a year) I was able to move on. I never would have believed it then, but he and I are actually on friendly terms now...we get together 2-3 times a year for dinner and talk. I've forgiven him for all that he put me through because I recognize how flawed and incapable of true love and intimacy he is...I feel sorry for him, in fact. You may never get to that point with your ex, I'm just telling you this to emphasize the fact that eventually you WILL get through it.
I know it hurts but it's actually a GOOD thing that he doesn't want contact...you'll be able to move on that much sooner than I did. I would focus on your work around acceptance on the fact that this shows, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the two of you aren't right for each other.
Sheri