Nothing new here

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Nothing new here
3
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 1:35am

My 6-year relationship has had a slow, agonizing end. Just three weeks ago, he was asking me to come over for the night. And tonight, he tells me that he has met someone and will be having a baby soon! He is 49 and he has never gotten over the fact that he hasn't had children. He now wants no further contact with me, which is good because that is what I should have been doing for quite a while, but HOW, HOW, HOW can he just move on like that after 6 years?

I know that is the million-dollar question on these boards and that is what causes so much excruciating pain and confusion. And I know part of the answer is he started moving on months ago and I couldn't and didn't want to accept it.

But you all are so right, this pain is so unbearable right now. All I can think about is my guy is with another woman and they are having a baby! And she doesn't know him from Adam! I know the only way out of this pain is THROUGH it, so I will take that path. And I also know NO CONTACT is the only way I can keep the pain from getting worse. And I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to change the situation; that is the ACCEPTANCE. But how do you accept that fact that someone else is in your lover's arms?

I just pray for this all to pass quickly. Please keep me in your prayers and hugs! As you all know, the pain at first is....well, there is no word for it. Maybe like a kidney stone to the heart. I will keep you all in my prayers, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2006
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 8:13am
I wish I had some advice for you, memphisstars. I guess you could say I'm in a similar situation; got left, BOOM, out of nowhere, by someone who I was (and am) madly in love with and someone I would do anything for. He has moved on, I believe he's dating, and is living his life as if I'd never been a part of it. IT JUST KILLS ME, so I know where you're coming from. It feels like your heart has literally been ripped out and stomped on. I'm convinced there is no quick cure for this, especially when its with someone who meant so much to you. How awful it is to know that you are alone and he is back on the scene when HE is in the wrong. If it helps at all, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 8:33am
Hi there - I too am feeling as you are. My heart feels like someone has literally removed it from my chest never to be replaced. I don't see how to get through this. A fried did tell me too the only was IS to go through it. We have no choice. We have to keep going. Believe me, I've had thoughts of "not" going and just end the pain but I know that's not an option. Big hugs and know we're here for you!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:14pm

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that...how dreadfully painful that news must have been!

I have some idea of what you're going through...my c-phobic ex from years ago *moved in* with another woman *two weeks* after we ended our 4 year relationship (we lived together for 3). That pain was unbearable, and to add a pregnancy to that...oh, I'm sorry.

But I did get through it. It took *3 years*, unfortunately, but that's because I allowed him to keep in contact with me (I didn't know about the whole no contact concept then). But once I cut off contact (for about a year) I was able to move on. I never would have believed it then, but he and I are actually on friendly terms now...we get together 2-3 times a year for dinner and talk. I've forgiven him for all that he put me through because I recognize how flawed and incapable of true love and intimacy he is...I feel sorry for him, in fact. You may never get to that point with your ex, I'm just telling you this to emphasize the fact that eventually you WILL get through it.

I know it hurts but it's actually a GOOD thing that he doesn't want contact...you'll be able to move on that much sooner than I did. I would focus on your work around acceptance on the fact that this shows, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that the two of you aren't right for each other.

Sheri