Now I am really confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Now I am really confused
5
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 9:54am

I'm not sure what to do now even more concerning my ex. We broke up rather suddenly about a month ago. He had told me that he loved someone else and she has given the chance to get back together. At the tie I was very much in love with this man, he ment everything to me. He said he did not love me and loved her. I stayed calm and accepted what happen even though inside it was killing me. We enjoyed so much together, often would walk down to this trendy area of Toronto, go for drinks near th waterfront close to his work. Even though he was much older than me I truly found the one man who I could love forever.

Now I am confused, over the past two weeks he has been calling me. Asking how I'm doing and telling me he was sorry about what has happened. He has told me that things in his life have changed, he is drinking less but feels he is being pressured. He has told me that leaving me may have been a mistake. He is always under pressure because getting back with his ex he had to change many things in his life. He feels that he acted out of desperation because he was so jealous of her that she met someone who made her happier than he did. She also seperated from someone else to be back with him and now they spend so much time together that he feels he has no freedom and control. They have spent alot of time together and feels that he is always being watched and judged and this is not what he expected and told me with me he was much more at ease.

I'm so confused ! why is he doing this? I have tried to call him and go to his place but when I do I can see that she is always there. He calls me often now but mostly during the day when she is not around. I have asked him to stop but he refuses and wants to see me again to talk. I told him no, but in my heart I want to. Did he make a mistake and has realized it now, should I meet with him? We had so much fun together and I do want him back. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 10:44am
You could go see him (I know I would regardless if it's right or wrong) but I wouldn't give in to getting back together until he broke it off with her and then some. He needs to prove to you that he wants you back and not just by his words, but by his actions. We all know, deep down, that when we want something, the whole world can go to hell, we're going to do whatever it takes. At the end of the day, I believe one has to do what is right for them so they have no regrets later....again, that's why I would go. But also unfortunately remember, we all want what we can't have...natural instinct...that's why he took her back...so keep that in mind. Good luck if you decide to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:04am
Yes, I agree. I do want to see him but he called me yesterday. He told me that the woman he is with has just sold her house this past weekend. He is feeling some pressure becuase now it is becoming more final and she has basically moved in. I don't know what to do or say to him? I was pretty upset after he told me that and I sensed he was also. He still feels pressured with all the changes and they have had some minor fights. Now this whole thing with her house now gone and her living with him is making it harder to decide. I told hm I need time to think about it and asked him to try and not call me this week so I can calm down but I do miss him so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:15am
If I were in this situation, I would tell him that I was not comfortable talking with him this way when he is in another relationship and now living with the person. I would tell him that I can't stay in contact with him and be in limbo - it is not fair. He is obviously very confused. I would stay away and let him work through whatever he is going through. If he really wants to be with you, he will need to completely break it off with this girl and prove to you that he knows what he wants. It's not fair for him to tell you he's in love with someone else and then when he is with that person, to tell you he is not happy and thinks he made a mistake. The best thing to do is to move on with your life and not wait around for him to figure out what he wants. If he comes around and proves that he can be trusted again, great. If not, then that is your answer right there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:44pm

I agree with what abcd2girl said to you:

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 5:03pm
Yes, you are all right. He tried to call me again, after I called him and left a message telling him to not bother calling untils he is up front with her also if he truly thinks that he is making a mistake. I also confronted him about why are you letting her take over you life then and spending so much time if you still think of me. He can't have his cake and eat it. Well he called back saying he could not answer because she was there this morning, I was so upset. I hope he understands and will do the right thing if that's what he wants. He has to decide before things get out of hand with her but the question remains after seeing this...do I want him back. Only if he was honest with me and was over her.