now i got kicked in the gut

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
now i got kicked in the gut
20
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 2:58pm

So when I was in San Fran last weekend I met with one of G's friends for lunch. He and his wife are friends of his from college and I love them to death. I was surprised when

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 11:23pm

Wow, with friends like that.....

The first one, "I know I shouldn't tell you this ..." Yikes.

I love the part where the other one called *you* selfish and then called a few days later to tell you she's ready to talk to you now about how mad *she* is with you... supposedly that's very "emotionally evolved" by the way, calmly telling someone you're angry with them-- choke BulSht choke. Good grief. Classic comeback, "No, I'll talk to *you* when *I'm* ready." Click. Nice going!

Honestly, if these are the kind of people who are "breaking up" with you all over the place, they're actually doing you a massive favor.

All the best, keep posting!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 10:45am

Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday - work has been insane. But that's a good thing. I'm so glad there's something to keep me occupied and make me feel like I have a real purpose.


Thanks so much for the nice post and sharing the email your friend sent you.


I hope you're having a good week. As for me, I'm just laying low.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 1:00pm

It's been exactly one month for me. I should get a medal or something, right? :) But some days the pain is still as raw as the first day. Little triggers set me off. Like the other day I went to yoga, but when I got out I cried all the way home because I used to call my ex after class to come over. Like it's the little rituals that bring back memories. And to tell you the truth, as toxic it as it may be, I'm kind of envious (I know, i know!!!) that other people's ex's have tried to contact them. I know it wouldn't be healthy, but it makes me feel that I'm "easy to get over." Does that make sense? Even though I'm doing the same thing. I know that I'm certainly not ready to have contact with my ex. Not sure if I ever will just because I don't want to find out anything about his life and if he really has moved on.


I did have a few people tell me at a halloween party on sat (we used to work together so we have mutual friends) that they thought he was so stupid to break up with me. That at least gives me comfort that they thought I was worth a lot to give up.


Glad to hear your giving your "friends" a break. Remember that this has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with them. The OP mentioned that they just wanted to see your reaction. The shows a serious lack of self-esteem on their part and they want to level you so they can bring you down to their level.


Most of my friends have been SO supportive. But I have one male longtime friend who keeps giving me backhanded compliments via email about the whole thing. LIke he will say, "T, you will find someone and you have a big heart although you can sometimes be prickly." WTF? Whether I am like this or not, thanks for cheering me up, buddy! :) He has sent several emails like this so i've just ignored him. You need to build your self-esteem or keep your self-esteem, so you don't need people like that right now.


Good to hear from you! Oh, and I took a dance class last night and feel awesome, although I slept kind of bad last night. :(

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 2:11pm

Ahh...I'm so glad someone else has finally said what I've been thinking. I'm jealous that others are being contacted by their exes too. It's insane! Deep down I know that I'm lucky that I've had no contact - that neither of us have made an effort. But mostly I just think things like: was I that easy to get over, was he relieved to get rid of me, is he upset at all. It's silly and I know if he did try to contact me it would set me back to the very beginning. And boy oh boy, I do NOT want to be back there.


I wonder why people need to give others backhanded compliments like the ones your male friend is giving you. It's stupid. I've got a feeling that you're a lot like me and whenever others are going through a difficult time you are nothing but supportive and help build them up. Then when we need to go through our own difficult time some other people don't always have the capacity to help us out. If nothing else, I'm learning a lot about people and myself.


I've got a friend in Calif. who is going through the same thing we are. He was dumped by his girlfriend about 5 or 6 weeks ago. We've been talking a lot, trying to build each other up. Last night we decided that even though this really, really sucks that some day we will look back at this time as truly pivotal in our lives. When I think of it that way it's kind of exciting.


I'm glad you went to a dance class last night and you're doing the sculpting thing. I love the gym and spend a lot of time swimming and running. I'm trying to think of something else I can do that I can do by myself but will allow me to meet new people, etc. I think that would be good for me right now. I'm brainstorming. If you have any good ideas, let me know.


Sorry this got really long. Have a happy Halloween - and hope you sleep better tonight. I've found writing in a journal and taking one Tylenol PM does wonders. I feel like a weenie, but at least I'm sleeping (which really makes a lot of difference).


Thanks again for staying in touch. I'm thinking about you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 4:53pm
i haven't been contacted in any way...you're not alone. ;)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 5:31pm
To make my lack of sleep crankiness worse, I'm getting really, really tired of my 9 month pregnant co-worker who talks non-stop, day in and day out about her baby. I feel like I carried that thing around the whole time. ha ha. bitchy much? oh, and another co-worker who just had a baby brought hers in today. Yup, having one of those feeling left behind jealous moments.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 9:46pm

Laughs. I fourth that. No contact in 4 months (beat that.=P). In any case, I'm sure you haven't contacted him, but you haven't forgotten about him either. Actions don't indicate what's going on through your mind.

Of course I'm hoping Sandra has some fantastic insight about why our exes aren't here stroking our egos. :D.

Anyways I third the idea that it feels like you're always there for other people and when you need help, they all seem to scatter. --''. oh well

cheers

Susanna




Edited 10/31/2007 9:48 pm ET by unicornssong
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:52am

i fifth the jealousy case, kinda... we contacted each other a few times after the "soft" breakup (in which he left the door open).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 10:31am

i hear you. i can't even hear baby conversations. i walk away...


you're not alone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:54pm
It's good to know my situation is not unique. One day at a time, eh?

 

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