now what?
Find a Conversation
now what?
| Tue, 08-01-2006 - 8:21am |
Me and my boyfriend of two years broke up in may. I broke up with him and wanted him back...i begged, pleaded, everything. he told me he wasnt sure if he still loved me...so he wanted me to wait for his decision. After I continually asked him for his decision he said he didnt love me anymore. I was crushed. However, I was tired of looking needy. So I decided NO CONTACT was best. It's almost two months now of no contact. But yesterday he called me ( i didnt answer) and he sent me a text message that says "Hi...I've been wondering what's been going on with your life. Give me a call, or a text or something. We could get lunch or dinner." I'm almost angrier than before when he wasn't calling me. He's the one who handled the break up like an a**hole. This text message doesnt say "i miss you, I'm sorry." It says that he thinks he didn't do anything wrong. Im confused...need advice.

Hi, sorry for what you are going through. You said that you were the one who broke up with him, right? Then you wanted him back, but he wouldn't have it. He probably didn't want you back because he was hurt by you. Then he told you he didn't love you, which was probably a hurt reaction. 2 months to go without contact is a long time. Maybe he has rethought it all over and wants to try again, or maybe he is trying to be friends with you. Honestly you have to make this decision for yourself. I am now friends with my ex and everyone on these boards tells me its not a good idea, but I know my ex, I know myself and I'm doing what I believe is best.
Being just friends with an ex you still love and care about can be difficult, but in my situation we both still love eachother, but neither of us is ready for a relationship again.
Follow your heart, it will guide you in what you need to do.
What can it hurt to see him for dinner though? Then you'll know why he really wanted to see you.
~Amber~
Yeah, it sure sounds like he thinks, Ok, I'm over it, so she should be too and she should be fine with being buds with me.
If that's not the case, then I'd either ignore his messages or write him an email that says something like, "I'm not ready to be friends with you yet. Please don't contact me unless you have changed your mind about getting back together." (That's assuming that you are still open to that possibility--if not, leave that sentence out and just say something like, I'll get in touch with you when I'm ready)
Sheri
I'm not remembering, why did you break up?
Well, from an outsider's perspective on this, I have to tell you I honestly didn't come to the same conclusions you did from what you said he wrote, or even what you wrote.
I can totally understand where you wanted to stop that really terrible cycle of hurt and confusion, but I still don't see where he was an a-hole in his responses to you except for the five-year remark (ouch!) but at that point, I could see he was lashing out in pain.
Best Wishes!
Mary