now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
now what?
6
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 8:21am
Me and my boyfriend of two years broke up in may. I broke up with him and wanted him back...i begged, pleaded, everything. he told me he wasnt sure if he still loved me...so he wanted me to wait for his decision. After I continually asked him for his decision he said he didnt love me anymore. I was crushed. However, I was tired of looking needy. So I decided NO CONTACT was best. It's almost two months now of no contact. But yesterday he called me ( i didnt answer) and he sent me a text message that says "Hi...I've been wondering what's been going on with your life. Give me a call, or a text or something. We could get lunch or dinner." I'm almost angrier than before when he wasn't calling me. He's the one who handled the break up like an a**hole. This text message doesnt say "i miss you, I'm sorry." It says that he thinks he didn't do anything wrong. Im confused...need advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
In reply to: lala1818
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 10:15am

Hi, sorry for what you are going through. You said that you were the one who broke up with him, right? Then you wanted him back, but he wouldn't have it. He probably didn't want you back because he was hurt by you. Then he told you he didn't love you, which was probably a hurt reaction. 2 months to go without contact is a long time. Maybe he has rethought it all over and wants to try again, or maybe he is trying to be friends with you. Honestly you have to make this decision for yourself. I am now friends with my ex and everyone on these boards tells me its not a good idea, but I know my ex, I know myself and I'm doing what I believe is best.

Being just friends with an ex you still love and care about can be difficult, but in my situation we both still love eachother, but neither of us is ready for a relationship again.

Follow your heart, it will guide you in what you need to do.

What can it hurt to see him for dinner though? Then you'll know why he really wanted to see you.

~Amber~

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lala1818
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 12:01pm

Yeah, it sure sounds like he thinks, Ok, I'm over it, so she should be too and she should be fine with being buds with me.

If that's not the case, then I'd either ignore his messages or write him an email that says something like, "I'm not ready to be friends with you yet. Please don't contact me unless you have changed your mind about getting back together." (That's assuming that you are still open to that possibility--if not, leave that sentence out and just say something like, I'll get in touch with you when I'm ready)

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: lala1818
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 3:52pm

I'm not remembering, why did you break up?

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
In reply to: lala1818
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 8:57pm
hello, ok so I did break up with him. Then the next day i begged, i pleaded, told him how much i loved him. Actually for a few days i did that. Then i stopped talking to him for a day. He would then call me and continue to tell me he loved me but wasn't sure about alot of things. Then he became an a**hole. he would say things like "if you loved me you would wait for me to make my decision" or "Dont call me if i want to talk to you ill call you" or "In 5 years you wont matter"....and then other days we would talk and it would be "i want you in my life"...or "i want you to date other people so you can see what an idiot i am"......i knew it had to stop. I had to stop looking so damn pathetic. So i did no contact. During the no contact he called me once. I didnt answer or call back. Now, almost 2 months of no contact he called me (i didnt pick up) and he sent me a text message saying what I wrote in my previous post. Ok so to jump to now...I wrote back to the text message and said "I have been busy with getting stuff for school. I just want to wish you good luck with everything" ......... we are in college by the way. Then he wrote back "you dont have time to meet up before you leave?" and i wrote back "I dont really think its a good idea"........and so far thats it. I wrote that because i still love him. But i cant backslide...not now...after how far ive come. I hate the fact that he doesnt want me back...that i think the only reason he called is for a goodbye before we leave. I love him so much but i cant keep getting rejecting by him. it hurts too much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: lala1818
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 12:23pm

Well, from an outsider's perspective on this, I have to tell you I honestly didn't come to the same conclusions you did from what you said he wrote, or even what you wrote.


I can totally understand where you wanted to stop that really terrible cycle of hurt and confusion, but I still don't see where he was an a-hole in his responses to you except for the five-year remark (ouch!) but at that point, I could see he was lashing out in pain.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
In reply to: lala1818
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 12:37pm
Best thing you can do: Let it go. He didn't do anything wrong. So maybe he was an a-hole about you guys breaking up. You hurt him first. He probaly just didn't know how to handle rejection. And now it has been two month of no contact, he misses you. The question is: are you ready to be his friend. Do you want to see him and find out what's new in his life? Just because you have lunch with him doesn't mean you have to date him again. It's a process. Stop expecting the "I miss you" & "I'm sorry". The fact is you both messed up. It's time to move on whether it is with eachother or not. You lost him as a mate-don't lose him as a friend too.
Best Wishes!
Mary