obsessing

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
obsessing
3
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 5:28pm
I have had no contact for a little more than three weeks now. I had to start the no contact policy all over again when he called me three weeks ago after no contact for three weeks before that. I was so angry then and now I just started obsessing and analyzing things again regarding my ex. I am trying to figure out if this new girl of his is becoming serious. They have been seeing each other for two months now and I have heard that he is seeing her more times during the week and she is staying over at his place alot since he has moved into an apartment of his own a month ago. When does this obsessing stop? Is this normal? I think secretly inside I don't want this relationship to succeed because she is the first girl he is consistently seeing after me and I feel like he had rejected me for her. I think maybe I would be happier for him if he gets involved with another girl after this one. I am having a hard time moving on.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jens128
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 5:45pm

I think if you let go of trying to figure out what's happening with this new woman he's seeing, it will be easier to let go of the obsession altogether. I know...it's kind of chicken/egg...but I really think if you bite the bullet and stop focuing on that, you'll find the obsession eases.

So...first of all, where are you getting the information about the two of them? Cut off that source...if it's a friend who's telling you, ask the friend not to talk about your ex and his new gf for the time being.

The other thing to do is practice thought-stopping. I'll bring that post up to the top again for you in case you haven't seen it. Basically, the idea would be that every time you find your thoughts drifting in that direction, you'd say "STOP!" to yourself (I even picture a big red stop sign, and say it outloud if I'm alone), then re-direct your thoughts. You might re-direct by thinking something along the lines of, "It doesn't matter what's happening with the two of them...what matters is that it's over between us and he has moved on. I need to accept that and do the same." At first, you'll find you need to do this 100s of times a day...but after a few days, it really does get better.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
In reply to: jens128
Tue, 01-03-2006 - 11:57pm
I agree with Sheri. The only way you will stop obessing is to stop hearing information about him. What that means is for you to tell your informants to NOT tell you anything anymore because it is doing you damage. While you may not be talking to him directly, any time you hear about what he is up to is the same thing as contact. Try to set some boundaries and this will be easier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
In reply to: jens128
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 1:35pm

I hate it when I obsess about an ex!

Nikki