Ohhh the guilt of hurting someone
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| Wed, 03-14-2007 - 1:15pm |
So here I am once again. A quick background - We dated for a year and a half, long-distance, the first part was amazing, the second part not so much, we want different things, he blamed me for it, and he broke up with me, but it was a mutual thing and a good idea. Two days later he apologizes saying it was a mistake, and that he was sabotaging the relationship and that we were meant for each other. We discussed it as two mature people and still came to the conclusion that we both made mistakes and that if we got back together chances were that something little would just set us of again and we would be back to where we started. He asked me to send him his stuff as soon as possible and I thought that was that.
Here are the messages I posted before about this...
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking/?msg=22356.1
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22401.1&ctx=128
Sorry I don't know how to make it pretty.
Now again last night, he e-mails me saying we need to try again because this is what is right, this relationship is amazing and that he won't do anything wrong this time. Once again, we came to the same conclusion that we want different things and chances are we will be long distance for more or less the next 4 years which neither of us wants. I think it really sunk in this time and he sounded so crushed, like he was going to burst out into tears. I am fine with the breakup, of course I feel lonely, but I know this is the right thing to do. I however do feel extremely guilty for his pain. I hate the thought of him being sad and upset or crying his eyes out. I hate that I hurt him like this. I don't know how to move past that :(

smurfingawaymyday...
Pianoguy didn't need to read all the links you included in your original post because his answer is easy:
"If both halves of a couple AREN'T HAPPY WITH ONE ANOTHER...and they know that inevitable problems are likely to come to the surface a 2nd or 5th time...reconciliation (aka TRYING AGAIN) is FOOLISH!
Give yourself a 30-day time out without any communication. You'll know within that time frame if you can honestly be friends with one another...let alone LOVERS!
Pianoguy
Hi smurfingawaymyday,
I think it's normal to feel guilt. You are a compassionate person.