OK SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW, PLEASE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
OK SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW, PLEASE!
4
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 3:34pm

What the hell is wrong with me?

4 days of no contact - gone. And why? Because I found something online that I needed to fix, which is: my ex started his own business last year when we were living together. I found out today that the business is STILL listed under our old address (where no one lives at all anymore) and with MY current phone number. So, I called this website with the false information and asked them to delete it.

Should have left well enough alone...but, no......I had to call HIM at work and tell him about it...he was understanding, we spoke ONLY about this topic (I did ask how things were going and he said "they're going"), and got off the phone....only to realize that I had FORGOTTEN to give him the website's phone number so HE could call them himself to have the information changed/updated to his current residence. Sooo, my dumb ass CALLS HIM BACK to give him the number. Again, a 30 sec phone call, then it was done.

Should be the end of the story, but nooooooooo...not me. I sent him an email APOLOGIZING for calling twice and stating that I was starting over on my 60 Day Hetox (from It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken). I told him that I hope maybe when 60 days is up, we'll both feel differently and maybe we can be friends.

Soooo, does he write back? NO. Then, my computer starts goofing up on me, and our IT person is out...so, I called HIM again at home to see if he can help me figure it out (That's what he goes to school for). He didn't answer and I left a very pathetic message stating something to the effect of "why the hell did I call you anyhow, I'm stupid, I'm sorry, I sent you an email, please read it"...then I hung up. I know he was home - he was just screening his calls. I don't know why I did this...GRRRR!

I AM SO )#$*()@#$) mad at myself...someone please shoot me. I was doing SO good - 4 days of NC is a good start, and now I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN because I was too dang stupid to NOT call...

HELP! HELP! HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 3:45pm
You are not stupid. You may have done a stupid thing but you are not stupid. The problem with most of us is like you said "we don't leave well enough alone" and feel that we have to "undo" a mistake that really wasn't a mistake in the first place. And once you get into undoing one mistake you start trying to undo the second mistake and it snowballs. In these situations I always think to my cousin who at the time was about 10 years old and had penchant for swearing. So his mother started this checklist that evertime he said a curse word he would get a check and after so many checks he would loose a privilage. Well his grandmother was watching him one day and he said a curse word and so his grandmother took out the pen and put a check on the chart, and seeing her do this he let out another word, he got another check and in the situation of trying to make her stop checking he kept cursing and kept getting checks.
Its just a funny anecdote to say that when you try to undo something its kind of ingrained to "explain" yourself when really no explaination was needed. When you called him about an actual matter it probably didn't faze him at all. You called him back with forgotten information he probably didn't really think anything of that, but you got freaked and kept calling. You don't need to explain yourself. And really he didn't need an explaination.
Now don't call him and try to explain why you were explaining. Just type here and don't think about it anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 4:33pm

First off, You're not stupid. Stop calling yourself names, it won't help the situation.

Do not call him again.... Its happened to alot of us on these boards it happened to me when I was first going through my break-up. '

My suggestion right now to you would be to get out of the house tonight if you can. Go out with friends, or do something to get your mind off of this, help yourself unwind, I know you must be stressed right now.

Don't stress over it, it will only make things worse.

Chalk this up to a learning experience, and laugh about it to yourself. It will be okay.

Continue on with your 60 day He-tox, and focus on yourself and your life.

HUGS.

~Amber




Edited 3/13/2007 4:36 pm ET by manno001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 4:36pm
Dont get down on yourself.....its all about learning from your mistake...but the more you keep calling the more arrogant he is so dont call him no more because hes probably feeling good and getting the satsification that youre doing it
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:04pm

Wow, I KNOW the feeling! But like everyone else has said, you gotta just forget it and move on. So, you called him a few times and it snowballed. You know what? You don't have to prove anything to him. You don't have to prove to him that you are strong, you don't have to prove to him that you are cool, and you certainly do not have to prove to him that you are over him . . . because right now, it doesn't matter WHAT he thinks of you. It is a-okay if you are still struggling and if this is causing you to overthink a phone call or two. He's dated you, he knows your good points, and if he's worth his weight in salt, then he will certainly also know that breakups are a difficult thing to go through and you are so, so normal for having a difficult time and for breaking some of the NC rules.
And hey, some people do cra-azy things--some women slash tires, drop by every night uninvited, show up at their exes favorite hangout, call their exes new girlfriends!! All you did was call him a few times. That's hardly invasive.

The past few weeks, I've felt like a complete idiot for each time I contacted my ex over the past few months. I'm sure he thinks I'm an ass and a half for it, too. Because in my case, I'm sure it was clear that I was just reaching out, not moving past it when he already had. But today, right now, this week, I've decided I do not care, and that is the attitude I am going to have moving forward. I have been having a difficult time with it, so I would initiate contact . . . I don't know, maybe I just needed to torture myself a little more than I was already being tortured! But I realize that it's okay!

Just have a little laugh at yourself and feel comical rather than pathetic--it's a little funny when we get so flustered--and move on. You are still who you are, and if he wants to be an a-hole and not return your phone call, knowing that you feel silly after you explained yourself in your last message, then screw him. (I say this because if I had an ex call me, and if it was clear he felt pathetic and was trying to explain himself, I would return the call to ease his concerns and let him know he's not pathetic)