Old question, new person

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Old question, new person
2
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 4:57pm

Hi, all. I've only stumbled upon this message board because I was looking around for something to read and encourage me through what I'm going through right now. As you've probably guessed, I've just recently gone through a break-up (about 2 weeks ago). I'm a confused mess right now. I'm going through so many emotions, 3 or 5 in an hour!

This is my story - I've been going out with this guy for nine months, and we had been getting quite serious - talking marriage, family plans. I had met his family (even hang out with them), and he's met mine, and we all constantly talk to each other. He hadn't asked me formally, but that was all it was going to be - a formality - when he asked me.

Things would've been alright, but his job caught up with us. I can't really go into the details of what he does, but I can say that it was this that forced us to break up and stop seeing each other (the way we did before). I know I'm going to get responses saying that he chose his job over me and a life with me. I guess that's what it sounds like, since I won't be able to give any more detail that I already have. But, how can I put this, he was basically put in a situation that he didn't and couldn't have a choice on whether to pursue what we had and could have(government and all that).

There are so many complications that I just can't get into, but it all boils down to this - there's no doubt that the love we have for each other is still there, and we are still in love with each other. This was said out loud by both of us. It's just that circumstances just cannot allow us to be together as we were before. Given that, we both agreed that we'd still stay in contact with each other and see each other occasionally.

The last time that we talked, I asked him, was I THAT easy to get over? He said, "No, I just manifest it in different ways. I try to distract myself, keep myself busy."

I really so want to still be there for him because I know he will be for me, too. He didn't treat me badly, before, during or even after our relationship. I say that,
"after" too, because he was at least man enough to tell me the truth about the circumstances he was in, and that I was in no way at fault.

But he just called me this afternoon, and it killed me that he sounded so casual, like he wasn't hurting. For some odd reason, I need to know that he's hurting too. And telling me that he's nothing but a no-good bastard will not help me right now. I keep telling myself that I have to get mad at him, but I can't find myself to do that. As I said, he treated me well, with respect. And I want to give him the same, at the least.

Any response to this post would be much appreciated. I just need some new views, other than my friends', who are all probably sick of me now. ;p

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 6:15pm

I'm sorry for what you're going through. However, I think you are kidding yourself if you think you can have casual contact with him right now. You need to take a break from talking with him until you are completely over your romantic feelings for him. It's too painful to still want him as your BF, yet have to settle for a platonic friendship. Don't do that to yourself...take a break, and then reconnect as friends when you're ready.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 9:28am

Thank you, Sheri, for your reply. I guess I'm just too confused right now. Every morning I wake up, I wake up with an extremely upset stomach and with a feeling of anxiety. I keep praying and hoping that someday things'll get better. I just can't see that right now. :(

And I keep thinking to myself, "Will anyone be able to love me as much as he did? Or more?" Foolish, I know, but...:(