OMG He's out... where?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
OMG He's out... where?
4
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:00am

Wow, I thought I was doing ok. I hand an epiphany... knew I couldn't control this, decided to just live... we talked all day about normal, regular stuff without the lovey-dovey stuff thrown in...

I actually seem to be taking this better than he. He said he hasn't smiled in some time now (and I'm sure I was the one that put that last smile on his face).

Well, he left work today and actually told me he was leaving... I was happy about that actually because he hardly talked to me at all yeasterday ... day and just logged out.

BUT when an hour later rolled around (he works 5 mins from home) I realized that he didn't tell me he was on his way home, but that he was leaving work. (We both play the same online game and well, he is pretty much playing it when he gets home...)

So I'm like 'well, he must have gone to see Pirates of the Caribbean'. And when those 3 hours roll around and he's still not online... I start to really worry.

Where is he? Who is he with? What is he doing????? Of course I am having flashes of him having sex with someone...

But, when I get rational, I know he is just at a friend's. He hasn't gotten to do anything since the breakup except play that game. And unfortunately, no matter how right he feels about it, the majority of the people are going to thing he is wrong for either why or how he broke up with me, so he can't really talk about it.

I, on the other hand, have had friends, my kids, these boards, etc to fall back on...

I can't imagine him actually going out with someone this soon.

But still.... where is he? >.> <.< >.<

don't pick up the phone. don't call. don't text. don't ask him tomorrow where he was. don't let him know you care. don't don't don't don't....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:15pm

You and I are going through the same emotions and thought process of asking ourselves "What is my ex doing tonight?" "What is he doing over the weekend without me?" "Is he with another girl already?" "Is he having sex with another girl?" This is just very normal after a break up. The key is to let HIM wonder what you are doing and the best way to approach that is NO CONTACT at all. I just read the book "It is a breakup because it is broken" and it said to go through a break up detox of no contact for 60 days and that is what I suggest you do. I am going on my 4th week of no contact and it is very hard because even though I want him to wonder what I am doing, I always wonder what he is doing. One of his good friends sent me a text yesterday to see how I was doing (which I thought was very nice) and I basically said I have my up days and down days and still very heartbroken and left at that. I didn't want to say much more just in case he tells my ex and right now that is all I want my ex to know. My ex had a major problem of wanting to hang out with his buddies over me so more than likely, my ex is hanging out with buddies right now during his free time but I still wonder if he has found someone else because our relationship ended so suddenly without answers from him.

Take this time away from him and spend time with your family and friends. Take your kids this weekend on a special trip that only includes you and them and enjoy that time with them. If you have to break down and cry, try not to do it in front of your kids. I am a mother and my poor daughter has seen me cry more than once over my ex and I just had to stop doing that in front of her because it upsets her to see her mommy in pain.

Hang in there girl, you will get through this and just remember, everyone on this board is going through the same emotional pain and we are always here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:32pm

LOL and it turns out his Internet was out.

He logged in this morning from work and buzzed me immediately.

I'm addicted to him, I can't not talk to him. We play that online game and we are in the same 'group'. I would have to quit playing the game to not have contact with him.

OMG 60 days? /faint

Maybe when I move down there and I see that he won't be with me I'll be able to do that...

/fingers crossed

But I can't give up 2 addictions at once and unfortunately, they are intermixed. meep

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:49pm

I hope everything works out for you but just remember, that addictions can control your life and YOU are the only who should control your life. It sounds like it may have to take him either showing you or telling you that he doesn't want to be with you before you can really let him go and I can understand that.

Since he is still contacting you, both of you need to be honest about what you are expecting from each other in your relationship and talk about it. Relationships shouldn't be a guessing game.

I wish you well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:55pm

Well, at this point, for the past 2 days, its been SOP minus the loving comments.

I have him all day :/

But... it has just been for 2 days.

I'm too afraid to ask him what is up. It's been too soon. He said that I need to be patient.

Saturday he said that he likely needed to just take some time and think...

So, I'm not going to bother him with it.

However, I'm getting on with my life. (Much like the 2 quotes Amber is telling everyone that is SO RIGHT).

... if someone finds me and asks me out, I'll go. Just to go, you know?

But yeah, I'll likely have to have something shoved down my throat at some point :'(