one last weekend
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| Wed, 07-28-2004 - 10:42am |
He still IM'd me once a week and would call for stupid reasons to ask me about some mutual friend and then try to find out what I've been up to. I was being nice but not appearing excited that he wanted to contact me still. I even met someone else that I went on a few dates with and he knew about it. He would say we should hang out if I could get away from "lover boy". And I thought yeah, he's jealous. Then I ran into him at the store and we chatted. The next day he's talking to me on the IM like how he missed my son and that he's really growing up and the new girl he is seeing is long distance and it isn't working out and asking if I'm serious with my new guy. Skip ahead a few hours, that night he calls me at 11:00 asking me if I was alone and while we where chatting he's knocking at my front door. I couldn't believe it, he looked amazing and I was so smitten (as usual). We ended up together and it was amazing and mind-blowing. In the morning he gave me sweet kisses goodbye and that he would call me. We chatted again over messenger about how guilty we both felt but had no regrets. Then he wanted to come over again and I decided to tell him that I couldn't that, I loved f***ing him but that I still loved him in the morning and if he was still seeing that other girl it just couldn't happen again. NO RESPONSE.
That night, Shamefully I already had plans to go to a mini concert with the new guy and mutual friends at the beach waterfront and HE showed up. Note I had told the new guy I wanted to go slow that I was still getting over something and he said he would be patient with me. Anyway, my ex was calling my phone and calling and trying to get me to get away for a minute to chat , and he told me I should dump this guy and be with him. Well I was so flattered but not going to give in that easy. I wanted alittle more to go on. He continued calling that night, after I dropped the new guy off at his house. We talked for an hour, he tried persuading me to go get him but I wasn't dragging my son out at 2 am to get him so he said he would be over in the morning. He did come over we hugged and *stuff* and talked. I told him I think you are here because your other girl is so far away and last night you were just jealous. He agreed he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. He left with kisses goodbye and a "I'll call ya" I got an instant message about how he was going out of town again for business for 2 days and he said I would miss him. I said your other girl will miss you too and He says yeah I'm seeing her this weekend, i think its best if we don't have s** anymore. I said sure thing and then he was acting like I should disagree??? I told him it seems to me you are always choosing someone else over me and i'm not interested anymore in being someones second or even third best. He said I was completely right that he was a jerk.
SO that was the weekend, I am so nervous and still crazy about him and know he is just all over the place with no clue or interest in settling down.
As obvious as this entire thing sounds, I am still sad and don't know why I can't let go. I think he has so much potential, and he is confused. I finally stood up for myself and I'm not going to accept any contact from him for awhile, but I still hurt. Guess I needed to get it out one last time, I realize now that I deserve better but hell, i'm sad, he is an ass and i love him.
idiot girl, christan

Maybe you thought that you could help him because you did see that potential and I know it's got to be difficult because he would be so great if he saw that potential too and strove for it. He's been jerking you around and on again off again and I don't think that will change. I am sorry to see it end like this, but you are better off for it. Take care and keep us updated.
Christan
Purging him from your life will not be easy. Mine contacted me up to alomost a year later. He would call, I wouldn't answer no matter how bad it was. It was awful, but I got through it and am amazed at the strength I had not to pick up the phone and beg to be back together again. I care very much as when you've been there, you appreciate any kind words and support, in fact I think that we all do. (((HUGS))) Take care of you and do the best that you can. If you feel weak, write an unsent letter or come here, there will surely be an ear to listen.