one last weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
one last weekend
3
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 10:42am
Where do I begin? I was with this guy for 5/6 months and had an understanding that we were just having fun and whatever, knowing he was just out of a long relationship and not ready to make new commitments. I of course fell hard anyway for him and when he had a chance to try again with his ex I walked away. I did find this board though *quite helpful*. So obviously it didn't work out the way he wanted it to with his ex and was coming to see me again. I didn't question his intentions, just let him come and go with no pressure. Things were good again, and I thought with alittle time, he'll get through this and realize he's got something great. Well... then I find out his ex gave him a ride to the airport for a business trip and I assumed they were together, and was extremely hurt again and told him I was done, he got what he wanted and I wasn't waiting anymore. So he continues to call me but I stayed kinda busy and kept it on a true friends level (on the outside, inside I loved him still) and I find out he met somebody else and went away with them for the weekend. Wow, I was mad now and I told him what a jerk he was that of course his ex wouldn't want him back, he can't be without sex or a girl for even 2 weeks. He wanted to stay friends but this time I said I can't, not while I still have feelings. Over the next month I cry and try to move on, it was nothing more than a huge crush on an emotionally unavailable man anyway right?

He still IM'd me once a week and would call for stupid reasons to ask me about some mutual friend and then try to find out what I've been up to. I was being nice but not appearing excited that he wanted to contact me still. I even met someone else that I went on a few dates with and he knew about it. He would say we should hang out if I could get away from "lover boy". And I thought yeah, he's jealous. Then I ran into him at the store and we chatted. The next day he's talking to me on the IM like how he missed my son and that he's really growing up and the new girl he is seeing is long distance and it isn't working out and asking if I'm serious with my new guy. Skip ahead a few hours, that night he calls me at 11:00 asking me if I was alone and while we where chatting he's knocking at my front door. I couldn't believe it, he looked amazing and I was so smitten (as usual). We ended up together and it was amazing and mind-blowing. In the morning he gave me sweet kisses goodbye and that he would call me. We chatted again over messenger about how guilty we both felt but had no regrets. Then he wanted to come over again and I decided to tell him that I couldn't that, I loved f***ing him but that I still loved him in the morning and if he was still seeing that other girl it just couldn't happen again. NO RESPONSE.

That night, Shamefully I already had plans to go to a mini concert with the new guy and mutual friends at the beach waterfront and HE showed up. Note I had told the new guy I wanted to go slow that I was still getting over something and he said he would be patient with me. Anyway, my ex was calling my phone and calling and trying to get me to get away for a minute to chat , and he told me I should dump this guy and be with him. Well I was so flattered but not going to give in that easy. I wanted alittle more to go on. He continued calling that night, after I dropped the new guy off at his house. We talked for an hour, he tried persuading me to go get him but I wasn't dragging my son out at 2 am to get him so he said he would be over in the morning. He did come over we hugged and *stuff* and talked. I told him I think you are here because your other girl is so far away and last night you were just jealous. He agreed he is confused and doesn't know what he wants. He left with kisses goodbye and a "I'll call ya" I got an instant message about how he was going out of town again for business for 2 days and he said I would miss him. I said your other girl will miss you too and He says yeah I'm seeing her this weekend, i think its best if we don't have s** anymore. I said sure thing and then he was acting like I should disagree??? I told him it seems to me you are always choosing someone else over me and i'm not interested anymore in being someones second or even third best. He said I was completely right that he was a jerk.

SO that was the weekend, I am so nervous and still crazy about him and know he is just all over the place with no clue or interest in settling down.

As obvious as this entire thing sounds, I am still sad and don't know why I can't let go. I think he has so much potential, and he is confused. I finally stood up for myself and I'm not going to accept any contact from him for awhile, but I still hurt. Guess I needed to get it out one last time, I realize now that I deserve better but hell, i'm sad, he is an ass and i love him.

idiot girl, christan

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:01pm
I can tell you we've all got a story to tell. No matter how bad they were for us or how they treated us, we miss them and want them back at come point. You'll see that a lot here.

Maybe you thought that you could help him because you did see that potential and I know it's got to be difficult because he would be so great if he saw that potential too and strove for it. He's been jerking you around and on again off again and I don't think that will change. I am sorry to see it end like this, but you are better off for it. Take care and keep us updated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 8:49am
Thank-you for replying, it has been so crazy and sad and the hardest part has been the acceptance. You are right, he couldn't see me for who I am and that hurts. Now to actually push him away or ignore his advances will be so hard, but I know that they are empty. I'm doing alot of praying, and coming here for kind words. Thanks again for caring.

Christan

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 9:34pm
You are very welcome. Now is the just about the hardest time. The worst part was at night when my mind would be free to go wherever and it always wandered to him. Hang in there, you can do it. I did an awful lot of praying and I still do. Things do get better little by little and it's a struggle, but you've got support at least from me. : )

Purging him from your life will not be easy. Mine contacted me up to alomost a year later. He would call, I wouldn't answer no matter how bad it was. It was awful, but I got through it and am amazed at the strength I had not to pick up the phone and beg to be back together again. I care very much as when you've been there, you appreciate any kind words and support, in fact I think that we all do. (((HUGS))) Take care of you and do the best that you can. If you feel weak, write an unsent letter or come here, there will surely be an ear to listen.