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| Thu, 09-16-2004 - 3:15pm |
I am writing again just to feel better I guess...I never thought pain could be this intense! I'm trying my damndest to forget about it, keeping busy, talking to people etc. But NOTHING takes the pain away NOTHING! It has been a month already, and it isn't getting any easier. How long does it take? I can't go on to much longer like this, I will either starve to death or die of sleep deprivation (or both). Can anyone please relate?? Can anyone who has been through this give me some words of comfort - PLEASE!

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Sorry you are in so much pain right now. I remember the intense pain all too well. It is amazing how emotional pain can manifest itself into physical pain. I did a lot of deep breathing exercises (lamaze classes came in handy after all), and just tried to deal with the pain as a separate enity. Some things that helped me was to just cry and even scream a little if the pain became to overwhelming. I found it best not to try to supress it.
For some reasons, mornings were the worst time for me. Maybe it was because as I come to conscienceness, the impact of the situation would hit me full force. So to help, I posted on these boards, mostly to offer support to others (it does help), I emailed my best friend throughout the day, wrote my thoughts down in my journal, and in the evenings I spoke on the phone with my friend. She literally held my hand for the first 2 months.
I know how hard it is to see this now, but it will get better. I remember just wanting to fast forward my life to 6 months later so I would be over it all. But unfortunatly life doesn't work like that. The actual physical pain lasted a few weeks and became less severe day by day. After a few weeks it was on a low burner -- a lot less painful but still waiting for something to flare it up. Once that pain went away, it was replaced with saddness and extreme resentment. I would feel like I had taken two step forward, only to take a step back the next day.
I will tell you this though, through this pain has come an amazing growth of self awareness for me. And while I had never experience this kind of pain before (and I'm 42), in some ways it was a blessing for me. Yes, I lost him, but I have started to find me.
I was with my ex for a year and it has been over 5 months since the breakup. So for me, I would say 6 months to heal will be about accurate.
I will probably always love him and miss him to some degree -- and that's all right. I do not have the deep longing for him anymore, and the idea of him with someone else doesn't make me insane anymore. We have exchanged some email, but we have not spoken or seen each other at all (well I did see him in a store parking lot but didn't approach him) so I do believe that helped greatly.
Anyway, wanted you to know that you are not alone. Stay strong ((HUGS))
Lois
It hurts and hurts and there's just no way over the pain except through it. I can guarantee you that it does end though. Really. It does! I've been through heartbreak about ten times and survived each one. My breakup before this one was absolutely atrocious. It took me over a year to recover from a relationship that only lasted a year! So I know all about the pain of breakup. It stops hurting eventually, or as I used to say, It never stops hurting but you just get used to the pain so after a while you don't notice it anymore.
If you're having a hard time eating and sleeping might you consider taking some medication? Do you have a good doctor who would prescribe you something? Another alternative is to speak with a therapist. I'm planning on seeing one myself, just to get me through the first few months and to help me figure out why all my relationships seem to end in heartache.
We're here for you, and we're all going through this together. You are not alone. Knowing that always helps me through the roughest spots. Please feel free to email me through my profile when it gets too hard to bear ...
Laura
Allowing yourself to become a physical wreck will serve no purpose but to prolong the healing.
I am glad to say that I regained the weight and am back to my fitness routine. I was actually afraid to do my usual jogging for fear of losing more weight.
Please take care of yourself -- all of you! There is only one you and only you can give yourself the TLC that you really need. ((hugs))
Lois
It's okay to feel like crap. It's perfectly normal.
~Lindsay~
Many hugs!
This is how it's going to go for a while. It would be different if I knew for sure that he's not comming back. But I don't. In my heart, i know there is unfinished business between us. I don't think it's over. But in the meantime, I can hold back from developing so much of what I lost. It could never go back to the way it was. I need to be strong for MYSELF. And you need to too. We can do it!
I had already decided to leave my job and move to where he is to pursue my graduate degree. I'm still going to do that. That decision was made for me, even though he was a part of it. It's going to be hard to see him on campus, I want to be friends, but I think a clean break is the best way to go. I would love to think that we can get back together, there is definately unfinished business between us. But I know in my heart that I deserve someone who can give me all of them, and he just can't right now and he admits that.
I 've hardly slept at all and I can't eat anything, I've had yogurt and a bowl of cereal today. I truly thought I was going to marry this man. We gained so much from each other. He took it really hard when I broke the news to him and that has hurt me the most. Seeing him cry and then throw up, I know this has really affected him and it hurts me a great deal. I've talked to my pastor and gotten some perspective on our situation, that was a great idea. It made me feel better for a little bit. When I think of how great my relationship was it makes me want to cry. I don't know why we grew apart. I do know that I have to be ME first and foremost, and that wasn't happening. Our relationship wasn't healthy. It had to end for anything to get better. Maybe someday we can be together again, but I know I can't hold out for that. There are no guarntees in this life.
Just thought I'd jump into this thread. I lost all my weight during the 2 months BEFore we broke up. I guess I knew it was coming, but he'd keep denying it, so I kept holding on. Didn't eat, didn't sleep. Now, I force myself to eat GOOD food...food my body needs. And I take pills to sleep. Like all of you, I've realized that I need to take care of myself. I'm important!!! He's gone, yeah, and I miss him like crazy, and I cry all the time, and I really really hate this. But he's made it totally clear he's not coming back. And everytime I think about that I cry, but I NEED to move on. To realize that I can find someone out there who'll make me happier. I thought he was the one....but obviously he's not. Yeah, maybe we'll end up together down the road....or I could end up with...oh let's see....hmmmmmm......Will Smith or ANYBODY really. LOL. POint is, over 2 years ago, I never thought I would end up with Angus...but I did, and now it's over. We had some great times...and some really bad ones. Right now, I don't feel like I'll ever meet anyone better than him...but then I have to shake myself and realize that at the end he treated me like crap....and there are guys out there who won't do that. I guess the scary part for me is how I"m actually gonna meet someone. Angus and I just kinda got thrown together, it was all too perfect. But maybe the relationship was just another lesson for me. Uh huh. Not at a point right now where I can really accept that. I still love him, girls. And I understand all the pain you're all going through. I'm hoping and praying right there with you that the pain will get better, and that we'll all be whole again one day.
Remember to eat and sleep. It's makes dealing with all of this so much easier.
Hugs,
Karen
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