Out of the blue!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Out of the blue!
3
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 10:48pm
Didn't see this one coming! I've been dating my bf for eight years - he's 40 and I'm 37. We've been living separately - I have two kids and my own home and so does he. We've been talking about moving to the next step...looking at houses, talking about getting married etc. Out of the blue, two weeks ago, he tells me he doesn't think we have a future together and "we don't fit." He told me that our plans were just a result of a natural progression of a relationship and he doesn't have time to do the things he wants to do. Note that I never kept him from doing anything - he had plenty of freedom to partake in all of his hobbies and he did it all! He told me he may regret this decision because I was great but he just doesn't feel we have what it takes to continue the relationship. This is the man I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I'm devastated! I didn't see this coming. I've invested 8 years of my life in this. We live in a small town and it's devastating to see him. Any help in coping would be appreciated. Can't sleep, can't eat, constant crying. Help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: u2girl88
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:49am

Welcome to the board u2girl88,


Eight years is a long time, sorry you have to go through this.


Here's some things to read:


How To Get Over Your Breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: u2girl88
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 2:06am

Yank yourself up by the bra straps and if you see him again, tell him you agree with him, you probably don't have a future if this is how long it took to figure out what he wanted after all.

I mean it, you look fabulous *always*, you don't budge, you don't let him see you sweat, you don't let him see you even so much as flinch from this. You're sweet and good and kind and happy, but you're not too friendly or too concerned or anything else with him. This doesn't bother you. You're thankful and relieved this happened now so you can get on with life. Got me?

Then come back and tell me what he does. If his head doesn't start to spin, he's not human.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
In reply to: u2girl88
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 1:33pm

Wow, eight years....I went through four with the same girl...she broke up with me about four months ago.

She basically said we are not compatible when she broke up with me...I kept emailing her and calling, and talking to her sister, and everything to try and get her back...doesn't work.

Now, I am trying what Sandra says...show that I am ok with it, and I am moving on with my life. I don't know if it means she will be back, but at least I am getting on with my life, and enjoying it all!

Two days ago, my ex came by my house to drop off a book she forgot to give me, and some mail that was still sent to her house. I was next door, with my neighbors enjoying a beer after work. When I went over there, her daughter was ringing my doorbell...I waved to my ex, and went to speak with her daughter, and accepted the items. Had a good discussion with her daughter...I really felt good inside and happy at that time too.
I said goodbye and was going to go back with my neighbors but my ex put her window down, so I went over to talk. Said, hi...how are you...that's good. Then said have a good evening, and went back to my neighbors house.
The next day I emailed her to thank her for dropping off the stuff and told her to have a great day. That's it...nothing else in the email, no follow up emails...no begging her to come back, like I usually do....It felt good not to do that. She emailed me back telling me, your welcome, and to also have a nice day. Done! No more emails, no calls, no nothing.
If she is human or not, I don't know and only time will tell. I cannot believe that our 4 years together didn't mean anything to her but I am not waiting around.

You should do the same, as Sandra suggested.

Have a great day and good luck getting through this, as I know how painful it can be at times.

Rob