Out of the Blue...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Out of the Blue...
4
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:17pm

My bf and I have been long-distance for the past two months, and in the past month we've been talking very seriously about marriage. Well, I went down to visit him this past weekend and suddenly he wanted to be "friends" and work on developing our friendship. He wants to marry his best friend and he doesn't think we're at that point yet. He said he thinks we started talking too seriously too fast. Wasn't expecting that...I flew home early, I was really upset. Later when I talked to him and apologized for leaving, he said it was probably a good thing, we were both emotional and it would have been miserable. So then I asked him if he really wanted to develop our friendship base first, or if he just wanted to say "it's been fun but I don't think it will work," he said, "I want to develop the friendship, but I want to do it slowly. I need some time to myself right now." So I said ok, I would give him space and if he ever wanted to talk of course give me a call. I'm really devastated... does it sound like maybe there is a chance we will get together again or is he scared off completely? Should I completely let him be and just let him call me if he wants? I'm so scared this is the end...

Jill

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:33pm
the thing that i dont get...is how people in long distance relationships need time to themselves...and want space. that makes me totally think that he isnt really into you =( he should have felt so happy and excited that you went to see him etc... if he really loved you and wanted to be with you he wouldnt need this space. also he keeps mentioning being friends....unfortunately, and i know this hurts, but that may be all he wants from you. is just to be friends. =( i hope youre doing ok.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:25pm

How confusing! :o(

I just ended a long-distance relationship because I couldnt make the commitment it required. It seems to me that long-distance relationships require MORE, not LESS, of a commitment towards each other.... in which case, his move towards friendship does seem a bit backwards.

Just my opinion though (and, Lord knows, I'm not an expert)!

~S

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:21pm
Definitely seems backwards to me. I agree with flute.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 9:31pm
I think there is a possibility of getting back together but I don't think you should put your life on hold for him.....in the meantime I'd respect his wishes and not call...let him come to you....give him a chance to miss you.
Photobucket