out with the doorman

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
out with the doorman
4
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:14pm

As it seems with most everyone else, my breakup came out of the clear blue, and in my case, for something that didn't even involve me. My ex, who is 20 years my senior, had some major issue with something that happened to one of his kids. He told me it was a Very Bad Thing, but could not or would not tell me what it was. Because of the VBT, he started pulling away about three weeks ago, saying his child issues were taking over his life.

We went from effortless communication to nothing, zippo, zilch. He stopped returning my calls, my emails, and I had the humiliation of always going straight to voice mail. After two weeks, I sent an email expressing how hurtful and baffling his behavior was. Why was he shutting down and shutting me out, with no explanation whatsoever?

Long story short, yesterday I emailed him to say I just wanted to get my stuff back (the clothes and other miscellany that had accumulated in his apartment over the year). Of course, I was also angling to get in a conversation with him after the inexplicable campaign of silence. He emails me back to inform me he's going to leave my stuff downstairs with the doorman. I fired one back saying that was BS, I deserved better, and he at least owed me the courtesy of a conversation at this point. Turns out, the first day he can see me is Thursday. So now I have to drag around like a half-crazy woman until then, putting cold compresses on my eyes so I can reduce the swelling from hours of crying enough to see. I have actually dehydrated myself today from tear output.

Should have just picked the damn stuff up with the doorman. What is this need for closure, even though I'm unlikely to hear what I want or even get a proper apology? Why do I have to see him this one last time, when I know it'll be psychotically painful and I'm not going to win this one? And why is someone who is so much older than me acting like such a child?

And why, oh why, are all of us left to struggle with the unanswered questions?

Sigh.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 12:38am
Well, it's still not too late to go the doorman route, and that's what I would do if I were you. Any man who could just turn off the way he did and treat you so cruelly probably isn't going to provide you with answers that will satisfy you. I say call him back up and ask him to leave the stuff with the doorman. Deal with the pain by yourself and then maybe, in a few months, when you've recovered, then you can talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 1:11am

Yup, totally agree with iamdelightful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 5:14pm

Thanks for the responses, guys.

To be honest, I guess I feel like if I have a chance at getting some closure, I'd better take it. Or at least use the opportunity to tell him to his face how much he sucks and how deeply he's hurt me.

I know the little drama I have in my head is unlikely to play out how I'm hoping it will, but some explanation for the past month's flaming BS might be worth forgoing the ice-queen act.

I never understood that in the first place; shouldn't they be forced to see how much they've hurt us? Why spare them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 6:06pm

Ok, honesty is the best policy-- The night my ex broke up with me, he tried to wiggle out of it, but I wouldn't let him.

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