outlook on life changed
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| Tue, 08-31-2004 - 1:24am |
I haven't been to this post in awhile. For those of you that didn't read or remember my other posts. I am a newly single mom of two. I was "the nice girl next door" and I am in the middle of a divorce from the only guy I have really ever known. As I had stated in the past, I am downright terrified of "going out there again".
Since my last post, my soon to be ex moved out and the kids and I are adjusting. I am just wondering if any of you have been through this and if what I'm feeling is normal?? Here is the catch though...the relationship that I am coming out of was emotionally abusive. I am going to counceling for this. I don't know though if how I feel is normal or if I may actually be jaded forever?
I used to believe in true love and a lasting relationship. I grew up all around it...but I certainly didn't have it and although I would not change what I have gone through and the two wonderful children that I have...I feel like I never, ever want to get remarried again. I used to look at people with this attitude and think to myself that it was so sad because they needed love so much and that all they had to do was reach out for it and it would be ok. (maybe I was too much of an idealist?) I used to feel sorry for people like that and now I am one of them!? I actually understand why people don't want to get married or people who want commitments and decide not to live together. Maybe I've been through too much and I'm scared because I don't exactly know where my place is going to be? I am a nice girl who can't go have meaningless male friends and play around, I just wouldn't be capable of that. I think it is a very rare female that can do that or the ones I hear about are really just a mess. I also don't see myself being completely alone for the rest of my life either...how is there an inbetween? I don't know if any of this makes sense but I would love feedback from anyone with experience.
I would love to hear if any of you feel this way sometimes and if how I feel is justified or if I have become jaded. Is it possible to overcome that and have faith in something real again??
Thanks,
katlc

so I question why I feel this way? Well, my answer (at least for me) is that I feel this way because I have not yet recovered from the hurt and the blow that was dealt me. It's still a pretty raw wound, and I think that considering another relationship right now is just out of the realm of being realistic. So, I have let go of pondering that question... I KNOW I will find love again, and I know I am still willing to take some emotional risks (not right now, but someday) to find someone to share my life with...
right now I am working on doing things that make me happy, not looking for someone else to do it for me... and someday I'll find someone to share that happiness with...
it must be so hard to have to see him so that he can visit his kids... that is something I do NOT have to deal with... I have been able to pretty much maintain no contact, altho there are a few financial things that we have to see each other to deal with... (like selling my car and having him come to sign off the title)
Anger is normal... just try to not let your kids see it... I'm glad you're getting some professional help and hope that every day we wake up we both find this day a little easier than the last... it will happen... I have to believe it... hugs.