over 2 months and can't get over him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
over 2 months and can't get over him
9
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 9:42am
I don't know what to do. My boyfriend broke up with me in june and I can not get over him. All i do is think about him, I want him and miss him so much. I have gone on dates with guys and no one even compares to him. He is everything to me. He is amazing and wonderful. We went 3 weeks without talking and I was doing fine and getting by even though I missed him and then last night we talked and he was so mean and told me he can't make his heart want to be in a relastionship and that he doesn't want to deal with a relationship and that he is moving on without me and making decisions in his life without me and i need to deal with it. He said we would never work and that talking about it just makes him angry, I just told him I want to see him (he lives in omaha , i'm in chicago) and he just got angry and hung up the phone.

I am miserable, I know i don't want anyone else. I know if he would just give his heart a chance we would have something so great..he just needs to stop blocking me out. I feel like nothing without him.

I need help, I can't get over him.


Amy

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 10:48am
Hi,

Like you, I had a convo with my ex last night. And it seems to be very similar to what you went through. I thought I was dying. He was so mean....not really trying to be, I don't think, but being very mean. He couldn't understand why I was so upset, why I woulldn't just try to get on with my life. But he also destroyed all hope that I had about us getting backtogether. It's NOT gonna happen. Your ex seems like he's moved on. I don't want to be harsh here, but you need to start thinking about yourself. If this guy doesn't want you, then you need to move on. I don't know how to do that....I know it's hard. BUt you have got to try!! Sounds like no contact was doing you a world of good. Keep it up. I think that eventually it'll get better....and if/when you are in touch with him again, maybe it'll just be different...maybe it won't hurt so much cause you're feelings will have changed a bit. You'll get through this. Go out, meet new people. I know that's hard. I have NO idea how to go about doing that. But what happens in the rest of your life is now up to YOU and only you. Take care of yourself, ok?

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:10pm
Ooooh don't I feel your pain! I am going through the same thing. My ex and I had been together for 2 years...and we had a wonderful relationship. I have never felt to so in love with a man in my life, even my ex husband! Then one day things got strange and he just out of the blue broke up with me. I am devasted, I feel like I want to die. All I do it cry and I can't sleep or eat! I don't know what to tell you, I think this pain is something we just have to ride out...I wish there was a solution, but I am afraid there isn't. Like you I have gone on dates and stayed busy, even picked a few new hobbies, but NOTHING takes away the pain. It is so hard to understand why life can be so cruel, how can it be that you can be so in love and the other person doesn't feel the same way? Did something happen in your relationship to cause a problem? What was his reason for the break up? Sometimes I think men get scared, maybe not ready for commitment? Please email me anytime, we can get through this together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 4:58pm
Take a minute and listen to yourself. I'm not trying to be mean, but don't you sound silly? I promise you that your life will not end and that things do get better. There is no certain amount of time that it should take to get over a relationship ending. Everybody is different. The fact that you still have feelings for him after two months is no surprise at all to me, especially since it sounds like he's the one that wanted things to end. And the more you keep calling him and telling him how much you need him, the more he is going to distance himself from you. Be a strong independent woman, I know you can do it. If he feels the same way you do one day, then i'm sure he'll call you. But if he does ever get to that point...you will probably already be over him anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 7:19pm
Hi there,

It really isn't surprising that you still have strong feelings for him after two months. I've been broken up with my ex for about that long, and it's still very difficult and painful for me (even though in my case I initiated the breakup). I really think the problem for you sounds like you can't get closure because you are still talking to him and hoping things might change. But it sounds like he's saying he's over it and is moving on. I think it's important for you to accept that, first, and then have NO CONTACT. I personally believe it can be almost impossible to move on if you don't set firm boundaries with your ex. I know my ex emailed me after nearly two months and it feels like it has really set me back (I was healing, and then after getting his email I found myself confused and hopeful all over again).

I truly feel for you, and I know you think your ex is the one for you, but like the previous poster said, if it's meant to be, it will work out someday when the timing's right. But he doesn't want to be with you now, and why would you want someone who doesn't want you?

You will get through this -- take it one day at a time. I do know how difficult it is!

take care,

toriphile

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:45am
(((Amy))) I know you're having problems getting over him...and it's completely understandable...you can't just flip a switch or take a potion to stop loving him....and turn your feelings off....you have to fall out of love....which can be pretty hard sometimes. We have to try to push aside our daydreams of getting back together with our exes and face the sad truth that it may never happen. I know it's tough and we're here to help in any way we can. I think for now you should let your ex alone....because he obviously doesn't want to deal with this now....and he may never want to....only time will tell. You need to go on living your life...a life without him. It will be tough for awhile.....but it will eventually pass and you will be happy again. Just try and stay busy.....take up a new hobby, hang out with friends and family, get your hair cut, exercise....anything that makes you feel good about yourself. Good luck!!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:16am
I know he sounded mean, but it would have been meaner to give you false hope for something that wasn't going to happen. If you feel like 'nothing' without him, that could have been an issue. It's a huge responsibility to make someone feel like they're worthwhile. Think about what you liked about yourself before you met him, and what you can do to like yourself even more, without him or any other man. Self confidence is a very attractive attribute!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:03am
you guys sound just like me and my ex. i know it hurts, and you feel like you will never find anyone like him again. i don't know how long you were together for, but just allow yourself time to heal. do you want someone who is mean to you? he gets this way because he feels like your bothering him, and he'd rather be mean than deal with it cuz if he's mean then he figures you'll get the hint. problem is, we usually want what we can't have and that makes us want to call and talk more. so don't call or contact him, let him wonder what happened to you, everytime you call and make him mad, it just reminds him why he doesn't want to be in the relationship. so turn the table, get a hobbie take a class be really selfish, and eventually you'll move on, or he'll realize what you think is in his heart and call you, and then maybe you can talk about things, but right now you can't change his mind, and it doesnt sound like he wants it changed. dont waste your life on someone who belittles you. when someone loves you, it will come naturally and effortlessly, and UNCONDITIONALLY. stay strong, stay busy, and love yourself, when you do people will pick up on that and good things will happen for you. but take your time, don't force yourself, cry, grieve,keep a journal, write a to do list of everything you want to do and start doing them,and everyday will get a little easier just watch.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 1:34am
i went through the exact same thing w/ my ex and i know how u feel. the best thing for u to do is do what i did. I cut off all contact w/ him (talking to him will hurt knowing that he doesnt want you) and let him contact u instead. let their be a good time period before u speak again. give him his time as he requested. when u talk again, dont let him know u are still hurting and show him u are a better person w/o him. he will see a different perspective of u and respect u more fot it. through time if all goes well, the relationship will start from scratch and u will become friends again and slowly work ur way up to getting back together. but u must be patient with him and not get in his way or else it will all downfall. just stay strong and let this be an opportunity for u to get gain back self-esteem and self confidence. if u dont have that, then u have nothing at all. good luck and let me know how it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:07am
First things is that you have to accept that even though you guys could have been great, there is someone SO much better for you out there. Someone who will appreciate you all the time, not just when it's convenient for him. Also...I am going through the same thing and it's very healing to focus on the bad things about your ex. Seriously. It sounds childish and negative, but if you can find five things that you don't like about him, five things that actually matter to you in a partner, you will be that much better off. I recommend you exercise the thought-stopping. I do it all day, but at night all that I dream of is my ex...so it has it's drawbacks, but at least I'm not torturing myself in the conscious. There is someone better for you...and that should be the least of your worries...Your first worry needs to be YOURSELF. Even when you are with someone, your first worry has to always be yourself...You can help anyone if you aren't fixed either...you know what I mean? Be good to yourself. Quit torturing your beautiful soul and do something good for you...And don't consider his feelings in any decisions you make. He is out of the picture today, and most likely tomorrow. Just focus on those two days...and your life will move quickly and the pain will soon diminish...but it's something that will probably never go away. Don't wonder what might have been ever again. It's not worth your energy anymore.

I wish the best for you...

Don't ever lose hope...it's all anyone ever has.

Spuds from Idaho