Over before it began...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Over before it began...
4
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 8:02pm
I feel quite stuck and confused... It all started when I met this amazing guy. He made me happy, he was there for me when I needed someone, we had the same interests, yet he could show me so much more. The casual liking quickly turned into a stronger feeling. Eventually I told him how I felt. He didn't deny he had feelings for me as well. And then it just kind of stopped there... He had told me about a particularly terrible break-up several months ago, but he was ready to move on. I believed him. Yet, we didn't move on. Instead I was left to second guess if his feelings for me were true. It had been like this for almost a month until he confessed that he wasn't over his past relationship. He would really like to be, but he just couldn't let himself take that next step. I respected his reasoning and was glad he'd told me. But now... I don't know how to act. I still have strong feelings for him. I want to talk with him, but it's so awkward. I can't just pretend nothing happend...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:51am
They guy isn't over his ex, so he's not emotionally available. It's a possibility that he could go back to his ex. You're setting yourself for a heartbreak-up if you continue seeing this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:16am
Actually, she died... and he didn't get the closure he wanted... so... it's a tough situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:20pm

His former partner wouldn't have to be alive for him to get closer on their former relationship.

I think rather than looking for closure, it's a case of this man mourning the death of his former partner.

Either way, though he has acknowledged he has feelings for you, he's made it clear he isn't ready to move forward into a new relationship. And you have to hand it to him for being honest about that, saving you both from potential problems if he were to ignore that.

How do you act around him? Give him the time and space you would of anyone who has lost someone they care about, and respect that they are on their own "mourning timetable".

mblade2006

"Just because everything is different 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:55pm
Well, if she died then it gets more complicated then. Possibly, he needs counseling to come to peace with his feelings and heal. It's hard to get over a dead partner or wife and it's equally hard to get over a dead GF if they were close and such. In any case, this man is not emotionally healthy to be in any kind of relationships. He may think he is and would likke to, but his feelings are not with him. He's still in a place where he can't share himself with another woman.