in pain
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| Tue, 04-19-2005 - 3:53pm |
My boyfriend (well I guess ex) of 4 years just broke up with me two weeks ago. He told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship, that he wasn't happy with his life (job,me, etc) and that he wanted to be able to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted without having to answer to anyone (he's 26). I found out about 4 days after we broke up that he had met someone else while we were still together (he didn't tell me I found out on my own) someone that he works with, that I guess he is now with.
The hurt that I am feeling is unbearable. I had trust issues when we first got together (last boyfriend was a real jerk) and he totally brought me to a place in my life where I was in a trusting and loving relationship. I trusted him 150% and to find out that he was doing things behind my back and lying to me just crushes me. He always told me that he would never do what my ex had done to me, that I had nothing to worry about. I haven't heard from him at all, which is killing me even more. I still have some things there, he also said he would watch my cat till I got my own place, he also let me keep the key. I don't want to call him because he said he needed his space and I know if I call him he will be a total jerk to me and that would hurt even more. I just can't stop thinking about him being with someone else, her being in my house, in my bed, living my life, it makes me sick. There are a lot of things that I have stood by him through (nothing like cheating or anything just some trouble he got into) and for him to repay me this way after 4 years just sucks.
I can't focus on anything, I can't stop thinking about him about our life and he is just out there living his life probably not even letting it bother him. I'm sure he doesn't cry, have a hard time working or sleeping because he has her in his life and it just makes me sick. Then I talk to mutual friends of ours and he is telling pepole that the breakup was mutual, be a man and tell people the truth. Now I keep blaming myself and wondering what if I would of done this differently maybe he wouldn't of looked elsewhere. Then it makes me question me, he used to tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he never wanted to be with anyone else, well I can't be that beautiful if you left me for someone else. I hate that he has done this, but at the same time I miss him so much. This sucks!
I am really having a hard time with this any help anyone can provide would be greatly appreciated.

alonegirl...
Pianoguy read both of your posts....and knows that you're hurting....BIG TIME!
But there's one thing you have to
I was in a very similar situation nearly 8 years ago. A man I'd been involved with for 4 years (lived together for 3) and loved very much *moved in* with another woman *two weeks* after we split up! I couldn't believe it--it *devastated* me. He claimed that there was nothing between them before we split up, but *come on*...you don't just move in with someone that quickly! It took me *forever* (3 years!) to get over that breakup, in large part because I allowed him to keep in contact with me, so even though him not talking to you hurts, it's really for the best.
It takes 3 things to get over someone: time, no contact, and acceptance that it's over and that the two of you aren't right for each other. You need to focus on him not being right for you, not that there's something wrong with you. It wasn't meant to be. It takes a long time to get to acceptance, but the sooner you start working on it, the sooner you'll get there. Stop the negative self-talk...replace it with acceptance thoughts, like "if we were right for each other, he wouldn't have ended it".
Sheri