Painful end
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| Tue, 07-03-2007 - 12:02am |
I don't even know what to say. I feel terrible. My relationship...well, it's over. It's really over. He doesn't love me, and I'm not sure he ever did...at least not enough to sustain anything long term. Ah god, this hurts. It just hurts so bad. I've been reading through the posts...It's helping to read through this message board.
My two daughters and I live with him in his house. Now we have to move. I put so much of myself into this house, refinished all of the woodwork, participated in so much of the remodeling process, painting...landscaping, etc. Now I have to leave it, and my dreams of us...I had my whole future planned out with this man.
We've had problems, and that's an understatement...it's just that I loved him so much, or at least I thought I did. Looking back it seems like some kind of addiction more than real love. Whatever it was, it's over now. I feel sort of okay one moment, then the next I'm crying my eyes out, and obsessing. It sucks. I'm moving asap, but there's nothing available TODAY, you know?
Any survival tips would be welcome. Any suggestions on how to kill my love for him would be welcome. It's dying, but still kicking...It should be dead by now, seriously. IT SHOULD BE DEAD, WHY WON'T IT JUST DIE AND STOP HURTING? Any answers?

cli3nt...
Pianoguy wants to compare your situation with that of a BEE STING! The event happens quickly, but the 'stinger' is still a reminder that your skin is in pain!
The same goes for relationships.
You're not going to suddenly dismiss ALL THE GOOD TIMES (along with the bad ones) IN A FEW WEEKS! What you need to seriously look at are:
1. The welfare, happiness and safety of your two daughters.
2. Any item (furniture, blankets, etc.) that belong to you.
3. Anything that's tangible that you contributed to make your now defunct home more liveable? .
There's no timetable for survival. The trick is trying to remain strong...and to have a plan for evacuating the premisis that won't resemble a "soap opera!"
My prayers are out there for you and your daughters.
Pianoguy
Welcome to the board cli3nt,
It's not that he didn't love you..... love is not enough or none of us would be here.
Hi!
I understand, completely, what you are going through.
I am in almost the same exact situation...my daughter and I lived in my ex-girls house.
We added an addition to her house, of about 900 sq ft. I built the perfect master bedroom, with a porch that faced directly into the sunset so we could sit out there, and enjoy it with a glass of wine. An awesome master bath, with jucuzzi tub, walk in closet, the whole nine yards....it was our dream house....now it is her dream house without me.
I loved her so much and, looking back, I don't think she ever loved me.
I know it hurts....she broke up with me over four months ago, and it still hurts me now. I still wish she and I would get back together.
One thing I have been doing to help the hurt is meeting new people and going out on dates. It helps a little and now I have someone else to think about rather than just her.
She has two kids and I have one and they still stay in touch so I still see her from time to time. I act like I am happy and I am having fun with my life. She emailed me a couple of weeks ago, just talking random chit chat. I was nice, but I have to move on with my life.
This Sat will be tough as it was supposed to be our wedding day, but I will get through it.
Just hang in there, move forward, and focus on you and your needs and your daughter's needs. I live with my daughter and she really helps out with me moving forward.
Take care!
Rob
Wow, thank you for taking the time to tell me about your situation. It helps to know that so many people are going through some version of this. I really feel for you...having invested yourself in her house. It hurt just to read it.
Saturday...ouch. I'm sorry, so sorry for you and for me, and for all of us...but hey, we're moving on. We'll be better off, right?
Wow, thank you so much. I feel really grateful to everyone on this board who took the time to respond to my post. I was in a lot of pain about it last night. It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't. He's not good for me and everyone in my life has been telling me that for so long. I've been swimming in this rank stew of resentment, unmet needs, and dissatisfaction for too long. Then, after all that...I find out he's been dating one of his coworkers. I've got to be done with this now. I've got to quit. Thank you for the links. I'm going to read them tonight. He's already mentioning "working things out," and "reconciling."
Kind of funny, kind of not...I was sitting outside one afternoon thinking about my life. I wasn't happy; things weren't good. I was telling myself that things could be worse, and trying to cheer myself up by recognizing my accomplishments. I congratulated myself for escaping the family curse, namely alcoholism. I remembered that everyone in my ancestry was either an alcoholic, or married to one. "Not ME," I rather proudly thought to myself. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe the family curse isn't really about alcohol at all. Maybe the family curse is about something else altogether. OH NO. Yep. Realization dawned ...and at that VERY MOMENT, a bird must've been exactly right above me and dropped a berry on my head (I was relieved to find a berry laying a few feet away...wasn't sure WHAT it was at first). It must've been waaay up there, because it hit me hard. It was like the universe was saying, "Okay, THERE...you have officially been hit in the head with this knowledge." I decided to look into it. I bought a book, "Codependent No More." I told my daughters that I felt I had some inner work to do, and warned them to be ready for the backlash, i.e., I knew that my SO wouldn't appreciate me finding a backbone all of a sudden. Well, here I am, posting on Breaking Up Is Hard to DO, lol.