Panic
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| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 11:08am |
I had a horrible dream last night that the ex had gotten back together with an ex and they were having a baby. I know it is just a dream, but I am sick to my stomach. I was already feeling guilty about not wishing him a happy birthday (even though I know I did the right thing) and wondering when he was going to try to call again. He called last week and left a message that we'd talk soon, and even though I didn't return the call, I am wondering when he'll call.
I keep going over all the reasons why talking to him is a bad idea. I've gone over those subtle little things he did during our relationship to undermine my self confidence. I know that he is not good for me, yet I am in an absolute panic. I don't understand - I really thought I was over the "hump" - I've been feeling good, positive and strong, and now this. I can feel this building up until I HAVE to call or email - please talk me down off the ledge!

Good Morning Purpleshoes!
I must say I think you are doing a great job in not calling/emailing him. It's IS VERY hard not to just give it all up and give him a ring.
In my experience and advice I've received from others during breakups, (and I might be wrong)--you can stress and think about a situation so much that you will actually dream about it. Maybe the dream you have is a hidden fear of yours that it's posssible it could happen? Just remember it is a DREAM. You sound like you know this man wasn't right for you and you're doing a fantastic job so far. Don't give up!! I'm going through a similiar situation so I know how you feel. Stand strong girly!
I've been broken up with my ex since December after two years, although we've only had NC since March. I STILL have crazy dreams about him - about his family welcoming me back, him begging for me back, sexual dreams, all sorts. If somethings occupying your mind whilst you're awake, sadly you're very likely to dream about it as well. Which I know leaves you feeling like crap but they are occurring less frequently now. Thanks heavens!
sadly for me I recently discovered my ex IS with someone that he liked all through school, and she IS pregnant. Which means she got pregnant about two weeks after I initiated NC, and about three weeks or so after he stopped saying he wasnt sure if he did the right thing. Which on one hand makes me feel like the two years we spent together were worthless. And on the other gives me even more of a big fat reason not to contact him! So yeah, I agree - be strong and dont contact him, no matter how horrible these dreams and feelings are making you feel.
sorry to keep harping on this book but time and time again, as I read it myself, it addresses so many issues that keep coming up here.
" Some women think if they bombard a man with attention (letters, messages, unannounced visits) he will be swept away by her undying passion for him and want her back. THis never works! You will only feel humiliated. He already knows how much you love him. You don't have to prove it to him. Following him around is stalking him. Calling his friends is harassing him. These actions will only make you look desperate and needy, which will further alienate him. He will lose respect for you and, if you cotinue to chase him, may even find you repulsive. You will destroy your self-esteem and feel worse than ever."
"Remember, you cannot control him or the situation. He is a separate person and has his own agenda. You can only control yourself and your own behavior."
From "Don't Call THAt Man" by Rhonda Findling, a book I just bought and am reading to help me deal with a sudden and painfully rejecting breakup.