pardon me while I scream.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
pardon me while I scream.....
5
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 8:33pm
My mind is constantly racing with "what ifs" and "why's" and "what can i do" that i need to just scream. i cant even sleep well anymore (and i am good at sleeping). there is so much i want to ask him and talk to him about but i am afraid bringing thigs up will only push him away. So instead they are stuck in my head. My mind sounds like a crowded bar on a friday night. Things actually seem better but I am so afraid that its going to come crashing down on me.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:32am
I know exactly how you feel because that is exactly how I felt. It took over and made me question EVERYTHING, things that I was confident were very good between my boyfriend and I. HOWEVER, it got so bad, so distracting, so irrational, and so frestrating that I made a decision to call him for some - CLOSURE.

In short, what ended up happening was we had a long talk, a dinner the next night, and decided the split was wrong, very pre-mature, and he admitted to being an idiot.

What happened between my man and I is likely very different than for you, but your emotions sounded like mine. And that kind of frestration was, for me, for lack of reason and rationality as to the 'breakup.'

On the other hand, if I am completely off base - then go ahead, SCREAM your head off.

hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 10:46am
Thanks so much. Your post definitely helped because it showed me that there is some hope. Its funny because i got to the point last night to where i needed these answers because my thoughts were so disrupting. I too did not know any specific reason or rationale for our breakup and it was driving me crazy. We ended up talking and I got him to open up a little more about how he feels and what is going on with us. Things looks good but I am so scared that I have blinders on or something. I guess only time will tell.. thanks for your reply it was really what i was looking for...a little bit of hope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 1:07pm
Sure, but be careful and really sit and think about your and your boyfriend's 'situation.' If you think hard enough, I am sure you will realize certain events or nuances that led to the breakup. It never just happens out of the blue. When you get there, you must next decide if there are real answers to be had - from there, do what is in your heart.

HONESTLY, when I contacted him, I was didn't expect us getting back together. I was miserable and frestrated, but after the time apart, I just wanted some sort of believable explanation/closure because the premise of our 'breakup' was so absurd to me. The minute he answered the phone, he started to open up and say he missed me so much and that we need to talk because he was so sorry and wrong and wanted to see about making it all up and making us work.

IF I didn't believe in my heart, that this man was the man for me, for good, I would NEVER have agreed to talk - but I do.

Give it time with your Mr. guy and really think about your relationship. How Long were you together anyways?

There is hope for those couples who really should be together. U can get more of my story by looking at past posts by my screen name here.

Best ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 4:22pm
No i completely understand what you mean and that is almost exactly how i feel. I have thought about it and the main thing that led to our breakup was that life was becoming very routine for us. We were together 4.5 years and have known eachother since the first grade, friends to best friends, etc. We went separate ways after an argument in the 11th grade and never really fixed it until the summer after the first year of college when we started dating. It was like we needed that space to see eachother in a new way and I really believed he is the one that is meant to be as cliche as that sounds. But while routine can be a good thing, at 23, it can also be kind of scary. You begin to wonder about what else is out there, at least it seems that he did. But since our breakup i felt like i was walking on eggshells trying not to push him away and the thoughts were just collecting in my mind. He said he wants this to work but i was getting mixed messages from his words and actions. Last night I just couldnt take it and I called him and we met up and he says he has been feeling much better about us and that he misses me. We are more separated right now than broken up. He has opened up a bit more and it seems we are on the right track. I try not to get my hopes to far up but still be optimistic. We are just taking it slowly and still keeping our distance and doing the space thing for a little longer. Hopefully it will all pay off. Thanks for listening and sharing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 5:41pm
actually sounds like you are very together. Give it space. I didn't realize you are 23. Of course being in such a long relationship can be scary at 23 - its so young. I am 27, and it is freaky now. That is something that maybe he is trying to sort out by himself and needs to figure out alone, and maybe he WONT open up because he is tackeling some really serious thoughts . Being in such a long relationship with somepone you also grew up with is something that has to be very carefully examined.

Should you two really belong together, that will become apparant with a little space and relaxation.

There is total hope and I wish you the best!